humming bird

my F***ed up head
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2003-03-03 03:37:46 (UTC)

new thoughts

so yeah, i do have crush on ken but i think i am getting
use to the fact that i cant have him but like i like how
all my friends started liking him its just great and the
thing is is that like i dont deserve him and i dont deserve
stevo and i dont think that nikki or karolina deserve ken
either just becuz of the fact that like he is such a good
guy and he already got screwwed over once and and i know
that karolina and nikki would do the same thing, i just
dont think they woud be good for him but i mean neither
would i ...look at me i suck, i mean i have screwwed guys
over and and hurt them and i do it all te time and i dont
even mean to do it it just like happens and i wouldnt want
to do that to him and im afraid i would, like steve is
sucha nice guy and i am totally appreciating it like i
cant get mad at him it seems like theres still a aprt of me
that wants ken and hopes to god that maybe i could get a
chance with him in the future i hsould stay with stevo and
get use to the nice guyth ing and be a good gf and then
when he leaves maybe i could try it with ken....god i am so
scandalous cuz that isnt any better ...SHIT, i need to come
up wih a new way of thinking and new morals and shit, good
ngiht im gonna go do that