2003-03-03 02:09:35 (UTC)

am i my self ?

today was an odd day. my best friend in the whole world is
having problems. and i feel like i just can't sit back and
watch her suffer. But at the same time ther is nothin i can
do about it. and that kills me. she hates her father but
she is being forced to go and see him. Her mother is always
on her case about who she is friends with and is she doing
drugs and stuff like that. She is constantly crying and
telling me how she feels, and i look at this situation and
i think that i am a bad friend and there is nothin that i
can do. i feel horrible because there is nothin i can do
and there is nohtin i can tell her because i have never
been in that situation. when i look at my life and i think
about it and compare it to almost all my friends lives mine
is perfect. My mom and dad are still together, i take
family trips i mean compared to a lot of my friends life my
family is the freakin brady bunch. Right now my biggest
problem is that my mom just had got a tumor removed from
her eye. And then i go to impact(conseling at skool)and i
hear about these kids in gangs and their parents hit them
and their life is horrible so horrible that they want to
die.I cant understand the feelings that my friends are
experanceing i feel like i have to have the same amount of
problems that tey have just to hang out with them. It is
like i have two halves one is my realself and the other is
the face i have to put on just to fit in. My mom says that
i am very popular and i have a lot of friends. But what she
doesn't know is that i am not the same person that i am at
home, i am a completely different person. i can not be
myself at skool and i can not be the person i am at skool
at home. I hate the fact that your reputation depends on
what you wear and your physical apperence. When people look
at you they automatically judge you and everybody does it i
can admit i even do it sometimes. and that is the way of a
14 years old girls life. why must everything depend on