the goodbyes begin
i've literally just got back from a night in wilmslow with
catherine, frankie and sarah. my goodbye night. the time
to hug and kiss and say "take care, see you soon", when i
know full well i may never see them again.
i stood on the pavement and hugged frankie for a long
time, i never wanted to let go, i was laughing, but i am
hurting so much. i hate saying goodbye.
that song kept playing..."tonight, and every night, you're
a superstar..." i know i've got to keep doing what's right
for me, and keep being true to myself, but it's so hard. i
just don't want to do anything, i feel far from special,
far from 'a star', i just want to climb off the roundabout
i seem to be on, catch my breath, get rid of the dizziness
and start afresh.
i guess that's what i'm doing by going to australia,
taking a breather, living for me, making myself the
priority in my life...but it's hard, it's hard to say
goodbye to people who were responsible for the only few
times you have laughed, and to the people who have pulled
you through the many times you've cried. photos and
letters aren't the same, sight alone doesn't suffice. you
need the other senses, touch, smell, hearing...a hug, a
perfume, a voice.
i need to know people are real. goodbye is goodbye
forever. frankie and catherine have died. i will never see
never ever take people for granted. you don't know what
you've got till it's gone.