Timothy

Jack's Twisted Kingdom
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2003-03-01 10:34:25 (UTC)

Mind Game V...

You know,

i've thought about it

it's all about truth, but no one wants it,

no one really believes in it anymore

If i come out and say it, it's truth, to a certain point
of view.

But if I don't say it, then someone, somewhere acuses me
of lying

because concealment is just as bad

FUCK YOU

If i choose not tell you something, then guess what,
you're not
the one whom to which I feel a need to be honest, or
forthright
with

or, i simply don't care

Apathy and Despair

Depressio and Melancholy

raw sexual power

mm, a truly rank amount of polutant thoughts have rummaged
through the murky swamp that is indicitive of my mind

the proverb, seek and ye shall find, seems to bang against
the
walls residing within

the trouble with people who don't care is, that you simply
don't
have any leverage with them. you can't force someone to do
what you want when it doesn't matter to them

i mean, you can't even co-erce someone, manipulate them or
otherwise engender some aspect of your will upon them

so, what it the answer?

i have of late been reading about the Caesars, it's
something of a
facinating jag down the ramparts so to speak

heh, i wonder, what shall become of it all?

If on the other hand i tell you everything, if i spew
forth with
such open and virile spontanaity then i should like to
say, in
such that i can say it

either i'm in love with you, i lust you, i want you, i
respect you,
i need you, i desire you, and or you're female

lol

i simply have no use for anyone else, sound harsh? try
living
with my thoughts day after day?

i make a damned sight sure, that i don't USE people, that
I don't
try to manipulate those that i consider friends,
confidants, and
really, it's very easy not to do that

i have no sympathy for those who use thier friends
callously and
out of hand for no better reason than that they can

i mean, i could convince someone to jump off a bridge

but why would I? there's no reason for it

no excuse in even trying

if you actively seek to destroy someones life, then you
are
fucking scum, and deserve to suck lava through a straw for
all
enernity, of course, i don't necessarily believe in in
heaven or
hell, or limbo, but i don't entirely dismiss anything out
of hand,
no matter what my own beliefs are

so, i don't know

whom do i seek? whom do i love?

the answer at the moment is none

i wish i could get the Grrl... but that is not possible

not when she's so far, were she a block away or 2000
miles, she
would still be far from me

i need to wait, i need time to sort myself out

but can she wait for me?

i am not sure i would

so, in the end, i cannot ask that of her

i would not ask anyone to do anything i myself would be
unwilling to do myself

perhaps

soon, when i am ready, i will be able to make the move,
say the
words, and grow out of this phase of indecision and
unremarked
thoughts and deeds

are we then to be judged by actions alone? a cascade of
unfettered dreams and......

fuck, i am sounding like a bad shakespeare rant...

ah well

to be, to dream, to laugh

is that all there is?

my caesar within?

or the spineless fool?

whom am i?


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