2003-03-01 10:07:10 (UTC)

non-conformist experiement

ive always been somewhat of a nonconformist. ive always
hated this culture. but, due to my mental health,
submission has always been my first choice. taking the path
of least resistance was the most i could do to combat
guilt. the less attention drawn to me, the better. but for
the past week or so, ive been trying my hardest not to give
a shit about what people think about me based on the rules
of society. i worked great for the first few days, i was
able to put up anti-war posters during military day at
school, i could just do so many little things that i was
afraid to do based on stupid reasons, that people were
looking at me. but, my guilt still remains. it is organic,
it is physical, it feels so permament. my guilt goes
against everything that i stand for, its ruining my
adolescence. im trying to read up on the diamond approach,
i totally forgot how i came across it, but im assuming it's
fate, or something along those lines. anyway, it has some
interesting points, like that i shouldn't fight myself, i
should accept it, but i just started reading the first few
pages, so im going to have to put more time into it. but
anyway, too many distractions to write right now...