Monnie

Love Is Pain
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2003-03-01 10:06:50 (UTC)

Why Is It So Hard To Love Me?

Feb. 29, 2003

Why is it so hard to love me?

Simple question, that I want someone to answer. I want to
know why does it seem like no one really loves me. There
are those few people that I know in my heart care about me.
I know they do.

But for some reason I feel ... alone. I feel so alone, more
alone than I've ever felt before. I feel like if I ever go
through something really hard in my life and I need some
there for me. No one would be there.

I don't know why I feel this way. I just do. I look around
and see no one there. I always have these dreams, where I'm
alone in a room or a bunch of people are around me and then
out of nowhere they all disappear when I need them most.

And I'm left alone again. All by myself. Its scary. I think
being alone, is one of the most frightening things you can
go through. I have friends.. I have a lot of friends. But I
feel so alone.

Like I cant count on anyone by myself. And I can't count on
myself. I'm not a strong person. I can't go through life by
myself. Sometimes I want to tell my best friends everything
that I'm feeling.

I want to tell them so much. But I can't. I just can't. I
cant tell them. What would they say? What would they do?
Nothing. They can't do anything. Its not their problem how
I feel. Its not their job to make me feel better.

They have better things to do then to sit there and listen
to poor little Monnie, talk about her problems. Yeah right!
I don't want their pitty. I don't need their pitty. I just
want to feel warm and fuzzy inside. You know? Loved. I want
to feel loved....

But I guess a lot of people want that...

-Monnie


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