Dragon

Quintessence
2003-03-01 04:12:55 (UTC)

Tired and Dreamin

I just got back from my second performance night of les
miserables. Putting an insomniatic in a musical is not a
good idea, they get half the sleep they normaly do, trust
me.... I haven't writtin in here for a while but i m going
to continue, i have some other entries that i wrote on
another computer i just haven't copied them into here yet.
This guy that goes to my school that i think is way sexy
is also in this musical.... named matt, and he plays the
part of marius, my favorite part, and he has the most
beautiful voice and wears the sexiest clothes... but i
know he's way out of my league because he's qa senior and
is dating some college guy..... i have been thinking about
my predicament with j and my girlfriend and what i want in
or who i want for a boyfriend..... that last sentance was
odd and confusing o the people that haven't read my
confesions in my last journal entries. I really just want
to be in a secluded island with j away from the world and
living off of the land and not worrying about stupid
judgmental people. Of course there would be hundreds of
our friends there when we wanted them and..... ok i'll
drop the island idea concidering it's way unrealistic. I
really need someone right now (i know it's just the
fucking hormones running to my brain) someone who i can
share a nice romantic relationship with and also have a
kinky and wild bedroom side at the same time. Oh well what
dreams may come... not mine. This world should be free
from anyone who is not tolerant and send them to a firey
pit of non-goodness (i don't use hell because i prefer not
to use religeous vocabulary, especially not christian or
catholic). That brings up another point, where is my
faith. We have to continue getting up out of our beds and
working our asses off day after day for some reason....
what is mine? who knows.... all i know is that i want to
change the person i am and be with the people i really
love and not care about anything (wouldn't that be great
(: ?) I want to talk to someone who is the same way i
am.... there are thousands out there like me, i know i am
not alone, but here in this place of hatred i feel cold
and alone. Somethings aren't meant to be or happen, and
when they do it causes shock among the thousands...... but
who's to say what is and isn't supposed to happen? I mean
(please forgive me but this is an example i think most
will comprehend) what if there was one person in the
world trade center buildings that would have been an
advocate of war and might have caused world war three, or
caused the next nuclear war to happen.... what if
september 11th saved your life? we'll never know, so who's
to say that that was the worst thing that could happen? I
hate the fact that thousands of inoccent americans, some
my friends, had to die... but that makes me charish life
and realize what i have and what i might loose, or could
have lost.


I want to be with j right now and please him and be
pleased by him, or dreaming of matt or j and be in my
place alone.... with them in my thoughts. I really want to
be a in bed with matt right now just laying there next to
his body and enjoying his comforting voice. Well i am so
tired and i really need to get going before my sister sees
me on her computer. If anyone is reading let me know and
drop me a note... Give me your thoughts for the day....

......That's all for now........

*dreaming of matt and j*




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