my so called life
2003-02-28 15:15:16 (UTC)

Hanging in there

Uhm.. don't really know what to write, but I feel like
writing. So I'll just sit here and put my fingers on the
letters on the keyboard and we'll see what happens :P

Thank you, Angel, for the feedback. I'll write you a
message in your diary later.

It is now Friday about 3 pm.
I've been to school today.. had two programming lectures
and that was it. Two of my friends and I were at the
computerlab for a while, then I went to pick up a
Universities and Colleges Admission Service(UCAS)
Application handbook for Ben. The military stations are
supposed to hand them out, but his station doesn't have it.
No surprise, nothing is as it's supposed to be with his
station.. their Internet doesn't even work.. so I can't
e.mail him.
Oh well.
I picked it up at my school, so I'll mail it to him on
Tuesday or something. I had to get his pictures developed
as well, and I can't pick them up till Tuesday or
something. It's cheaper to get them developed if you're not
in a rush to get them back. So yeah.. The pictures are
mostly of his military friends, but there are a few of me
as well. I hate getting my picture taken.

I hope he calls today. Haven't talked to him since Monday.
He's on this outlook post or whatever. He sits in a little
cabin and looks in binoculars worth two million NOK (almost
£200 000 or $300 000) and registers Russian vehicles. Very
interesting. But he's not allowed to bring his cellphone to
the cabin, so he can't call me when he's there. So that
sucks. But I think it's been just as well that I haven't
been able to talk to him these last couple of days.. It has
made it easier to focus on myself and being ok with being
just me alone.
I've been really lonely this week.. My three bestfriends
here have been pretty much unavailable (one went home to
where she comes from, one was sick and the third had
visitors), so I've been on my own. It was really hard when
Ben left me, and I needed someone to comfort me.. But no
one was here.. So I called Lisa (who worried to death about
me)and wrote 8 e.mails to my friends back home.. That made
me feel a lot better, especially when they replied :)
Normally I think it's nice living alone. I like being
independent and to have time to myself. But now I've just
been lonely and homesick. I actually missed my parents as
well.. I haven't done that since I moved.. So, clarely I
haven't been ok.
I am still a bit sad about Ben leaving, mostly because it's
so long till I'll see him again, but I'm doing better now.
I just need time.

Ben left Sunday and was supposed to call me before he went
to bed. In the eving I was feeling sick and threw up, so I
just went to bed. I got a text arond 11pm saying that he
was almost out of battery on his phone (he forgot his
charger here), so he couldn't call me. I replied that it
was fine, since I wasn't feeling well.
I went to school Monday, and none of my friends were there.
After my lectures I checked my phone and I had gotten a
text from Ben. He hadn't left the station yet and had
borrowed a charger from someone with the same phone, so he
wanted to call me. I called him, and we talked for a while.
I thought that talking with him perhaps would make me miss
him even more and make everything worse, but it didn't.
Perhaps it made me miss him more, but it was nice. It made
me feel better. Then he had to leave and I haven't talked
to him since. So I hope he calls tonight. He wasn't sure if
he'll get back to the station(and his phone) tonight or
tomorrow. So.. I'll just have to wait and see.

Well.. university.. I don't know how well it's going.. I'm
not sure if I've selected the education that's right for
me. Some of my classes are really boring.. I'm hoping that
it'll get more interesting when we've learned more and
undersand more of it.. but I'm not sure.. But I don't know
what else to apply to.. Nothing seems right for me.
I like one of my classes, my programming class -
"developing java software". That's interesting.. but I
don't want to become a computer scientist or anything, so I
don't know. I'll just have to wait and see.

Well.. about the UCAS application handbook.. Ben has pretty
much descided to start the same school as me :)
Not the same course, but the same university =) *yey*
He has actually applied for a room at the Campus I live..
so that'll be great :) My Campus is great.. The room is
pretty small (12m^2), but it's pretty new (built in 1999)
and you've got your own bathroom.. which is so great! It's
small as well, but really nice. I share kitchen with one
person, but most people share with 6. I pay only 100 NOK
(£10 / $14) more a month, and it's totally worth it :)

I think my flatemate just broke one of my glasses.. She got
home drunk and broke one of my plates some weeks ago.
I don't really like her that much (not because she broke
the my plate.. she's just.. weird.. and to be honest..
really ugly:P)

Oh well.. Don't know what to do now..
I'll probably just relax this weekend. *sighs*