neverthesame

forever changing
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2003-02-27 03:23:20 (UTC)

one for love, one for how i really feel

everytime she closes her eyes
all she sees is him
he is the person in all her dreams
and she is trying not to admit that
she is in love
in his arms she finds safety
in his smile she finds comfort
in his words she fins truth and
in his eyes she finds everything she has been looking for
she can't love because if she does
everything will fall apart
she will lose him somehow
if ever she moves beyond "like"
too soon to say "i love you"
she bites her tounge because
she is scared he wont say it back
or not that he wont say it,
but that he doesn't feel it too
and she will be rejected
by the one who she can
melt when she feels his touch and
truely express herself when he talks to her
the physical attraction is beyond what she has ever felt
and the emotional connection is one stronger
than she has ever allowed herself to create
with any "guy"
never before has she had both at once
and she is afraid
terrified to get closer
but she takes that step
she feels that he is there
to light her path in the darkness
and walk beside her when there are no lights to be found
he doesn't just give hintsor clues
he tells her what he feels
and she beleives him
even if he is
unbeleiveable

WHY DO I DO THIS???
i don't know why i do it
everyone says im fine
i don't need to change
perfect how i am
yet still i lack the confidence
to see myself as they see me
i don't know what they could see in me
if only they could see
see the thing i see in the mirror
staring back at me
telling me that i'm not pretty enough
thin enough
good enough
that im not worth it
and i will scew it up in the end
it doesn't matter what it is
it is easier to just blame myself
its all my fault
then i think maybe
if i could just look better
be a little thinner
maybe i'll be worth it then
but it never seems to end
just a little bit more
and a little bit more
untill i can't take it anymore
the image in the mirror coaxing me to do it
i have to stop doing this
it will never solve my problems
it will only eat away at me
and no one will know
im too ashamed to tell them
i will dissappoint them
and they will see
i am really not worht it
just a screw up with some problems
that is all i am


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