winkluver99

this is what i wanted, wasn't it?
2003-02-27 03:08:46 (UTC)

Contol

i like to do things really quickly. without thinking.that
is my problem. i can't be quiet for a moment, put down the
pencil STOP WRITING. i screwed it up again!
who am i? who are my friends? who actually care, and who
is just gonna walk away when im depresed? am i really
always that sad?why do i always dread life when i screw
things up?
i was in the car this morning, and we were listening to
the old matchbox 20 cd, and my sister was putting on her
nasty powder makeup, and i couldn't breathe, but i
couldn't roll down the window because emily locked it the
other day, and the music was reminding me of all these
happy but now sad memories of life way way back, and i
could really stand it, and so i just kinda stopped
breathing. and then i couldn't breathe cause my sisters
nasty powder. it was quite scary, actually
i hate not being in control. not being able to make people
act the way i think they should, not being able to do
things for others the way they need them, and most of all
not being in control of any of my emotions. it pissed me
off so much




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