Yay4Tay

Yay4Tay
2003-02-26 19:09:15 (UTC)

A new chapter.......

My passion was you for the longest time. Now it is time
for me to catch up with myself and figure out what I want.
Well not what I want, I Know what I want. She has a
girlfriend. Good for you. You found someone in the Fucked
up world. I need friends right now. I’m sorting through
them but not thinking much abut it. My mom said I would be
sooner or later. “You will found out which one you trust
and which ones you just hangout with and watch movies with
and leave it at that”. She is right. Some friends I just
will never know though. It’s ok I accept it. But friends
isn’t my true problem right now obviously. I’m scared of
that night. Wow I never felt so many feelings at one time.
Pure happyness, guilt, love, jealousy, confusion, lust,
unmotivated, beautiful, obsession, lazy, caring, ect. You
can find out so much in one night yet be left with SO many
unanswered questions. Questions you ask yourself though.
Through some way other than words she told me everything
she needed to tell me yet she held on. Why hold on? I’m
not going anywhere. Like you don’t know this already. What
would make you think something like that? You have your
reasons for doing what you did last night, and I had mine.
I felt things that I regret. I did some things I regret.
People tend to push things a little to hard. I am one of
those people. I think everyone does but I’m not so suttle
about it. I need to erase something’s that happened. I
want to really badly. Best and worst night of my life. It
plays like a broken record of second of the day, this is
getting to be unhealthy. How many times have I done it to
myself this year damn it! Tay stop seriously is what I
say. But it does like… GO AWAY. I don’t know how to make
things go away. I still think about Lynnsey. I think about
my dad but it brings me back to HER. Dreaming is my
favorite part about sleep but it’s becoming more and more
my enemy. I wake up and go wow as long as it’s still in my
memory some where and yet if I want thinking about it, it
will show up in my dreams because dreams really do, do
that. Sometimes I will dream about stuff that I have
thought about like a really long time ago. I’m really
scared. I wish I was more like the Tay I was the first 3
quarters of freshmen year. But I guess this is what
growing up is all about. They know what my motives are so
I’m done with the whole looking and pushing hat I did for
so long. They know whats up. It’s there turn when they are
ready and yeah you know what I really might not be around
for it. That’s the beauty and uglyness of changes. I’m one
of those people that think “what if”. I hate that
seriously. I hate it when other people do it to. LoL. Life
it such a stupid mystery. How can you do things that you
Know you Hate! I like being by myself. I just talked to
Basford. You know wow that just was really nice. Things
change. People are growing up. Me! Yay! I’m listening to
2Pac “Changes” in my Hoody. I’m such a thug :-P. I try to
rap. It’s fun when you actually know the words. Then when
you don’t, hell I’m one of those people who if they don’t
know the words FUCK IT! I SING! Lol
~And here starts another chapter~




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