Johnny is going out with Brooke Bond now. When caitlin told
me this, i distinctivly remember feeling, the most powerful
human emotion there is...... nothing. The power to feel
nothing is the falacy of the heartachers and the
discouraged. The power to feel nothing, where you felt so
much before, baffles me through and through. But yet I sat
there, and felt it all the same. More feeling than
numbness, and much fuller than being empty inside. Just
having feelings, and yet having none TO feel.
Dustin and I have been goign out for 2 weeks and a day now.
We've known eachother for 2 months today... thats so crazy.
We have spent nearly every day together since then, and
before. We've done so much together, as friends and as
more... it all moves so quickly, but yet it plays back in
slow motion inside my memory. I think I love this boy...
aint that crazy~
I am trying to lose weight again... but its so hard, my
body just doesn't want to lose any more. I am down to my
lowest, and its liek there is no more to lose. I dont know
what to do, but i just can't go on like this, looking and
feeling this way... what to do, what to do....
Kevin is gone... I never
really loved him, because I never REALLY knew him. but i
know now. and now i truely feel the emotions.
Last friday at Sams i truely knew that Caitlin and I had
become best friends. I had always known it, but she gave me
the biggest hug and she said "I love my lizzy," and I knew.
And looking around that room that night, I almost burst
into smiling tears as i watched all of the people I love so
much, sleep... My best friends, the best ever~
When you feel true happiness,
you can spread true happiness.
I have truely found god too. I lvoe going to St. Thomas
church and being part of the church. It is so beautiful. I
know that no matter what happens HE will always be there.
and with everything i do and feel, he will help me and love
me no matter what. That is the most important thing in the
whole world. And as soon as I found this.... everything
beautifly swerved into its place. and I can almost feel the
warmth of heavenly light shining its blessings onto me, as
i gaze up, and i smile. :)
goonight & sweetest dreams
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