Sweet Child

Sweet Life
2001-10-08 23:59:08 (UTC)

suicide/hate!!!

You people think you know me. You think you know who I am &
that you can tell me I shouldn't kill myself & that you're
glad if I tried I wasn't successful. Like you care. It
seems like all of sudden I actually matter. Why don't you
people care that I'm happy when I'm happy. I just don't get
you people. You're all full of crap. All of you who respond
telling me that you know how I feel & that God loves me &
that I should live because suicide is not the only answer.
Well it is my only answer. So what will I have to do for
you people to get it. I'm not writting this diary so you
can change my mind because it's not YOU that can or will.
You may try, but let me tell you the only person that can
do that is me. ME ME ME ME!!! Do you get it now? Well I
don't care if you do or not I just want you to stop trying
to tell me what is best for me. Only I know what is best
for me. I'm not blinded by own ignorance. If anything it
makes me see clearer. So what if I may be ignorant, oh
fucking well. But I will not let YOUR ignorance kill me. So
I will fight back. Suicide isn't the worst thing I can do.
The worst thing I can do is stay in this screw up world &
make all of you deal with me & hear me talk my shit. The
worst thing I can do is stay here, because suicide is a one
time thing. You do it & that's it. But no. I want more. I
want more abuse. Suicide is not the worst thing I can do to
myself. I will abuse my body all I fucking please.

Hate. Hate isn't good enough for me. Sometimes I wish there
was something worse than hate. Something that kills on the
single thought because it so extreme. Don't you all just
wish that? Well honestly I could careless. All I know is
that I wish there were something worse.

~Christina~