Wandering Soul

Soulstream
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2001-10-08 19:51:43 (UTC)

Endlessness.

--Well, another boring day. School tomorrow. Damn I really
don't wanna go back there..
Everyone will obivously see something's wrong and horde me
like their little patient..if anyone does anything I swear
I'm gonna lose it..and I can't on my flight. There are
times I wish I could just fade into the background and stay
there.
That's my biggest problem with ROTC right now. I've always
been a loner..a wanderer, one to sit at the back of the
room, listen to the teacher, gather their things, and go to
the next class. One of the masses. Someone that doesn't
matter, and knows they don't.
ROTC won't let me be that way, and it's slowly training
that nature out of me, but for right now, I'm stuck
between, "Let me be the loner." and "Let me take center
stage."
And it's fucking shit. I hate being stuck in this corner.
Ah well. Life's a bitch sometimes. Sometimes. -coughs-
Damn alligeries. I need to take something for them, but I
don't think we've got anything.
Man I feel..worthless. I've got chores out the ass I need
to do. I'm sitting here cleaning my hard drive of MP3s by
uploading them to a new site I found [myplay.com, fuckin'
kewl. 3GB of space, free, to upload and listen to as many
songs as you want.] And I really just want to go back to
sleep.
I've actually got 4 of those myplay accounts. One for each
genre of music. Country/Patriotic, Metal/Alternative/Pop,
JPop/Anime, and Game/Misc. Gotta love it. I've got the full
FFT OST uploaded, it anyone wants it. Just go looking for
it.
I'm going to have the full Seiken Densetsu 2 OST uploaded
soon, and some of the SD3. I've also got NiGHTS and some
random game MP3s up there. Check it if you're bored.

..I need to cut my hair. I just did, but it's trying to
curl out now. I hate that.
I've got naturally curly, dark brown hair. What I want?
Blond or Black perfectly straight hair. heh. Yeah, I hear
ya "Gooooood luck buddy."
Straighteners don't work. A big fat waste of money. The
only way I've found to keep it under control is to keep it
short and sweet. I've been pondering a buzz cut. -grin,
cough-
I dreamt about my last best friend last night. Fucked up
dream. It was just messed, nothing symbolic, really. All I
can remember was a closet, and a paper dragon hanging from
the ceiling. hand-made. Cute little thing.
Man, if there's one thing that just irks me more then
anything else it's the fact that Rob and Mom won't let me
get a kitten.
I'd love a cat..I really want a pet, someone to keep my
deepest secrets and cuddle up when I need a hug. Since
Glenn's living in Florida, and I wouldn't want to bug him
at 3AM with my depression attacks either, a cat would be
the perfect solution.
Too bad everyone in this house but me loathes pets.
-keeps uploading songs, Barry Sadler now-
Anybody heard of him?
My sweetie's nuts about him. Can't blame him. Brave man, it
seems. I don't know much about him, but I've heard a lot of
his songs..I love his music.
Poor guy..Glenn, that is. His uncle, served in Nam as a
Green Beret, died a while back..It tore the poor guy up,
and it's still hurtin' him..There's really not much I can
do, but pray and hope things get better. Time is really the
only thing that can heal broken hearts. Sadly.
But I still hope he comes out of this okay. I know he will,
actually. He's a damn strong man, even after what his last
girl had the gall to do to him. -shakes her head- Not
important. Forget her, Julie.
Well, the good news of today: I've left behind me the
depression I felt from last night, or at least the
reasoning behind it. Now I'm just depressed. Sucks. Man,
wish I had a reason to be. At least I could bitch about it
then, now all I can say is "I'm depressed..Dunno why. Just
am."
Seriously though, I honestly think I need some kind of
professional help..But like I said last night, I'm almost
too proud to admit that to anyone other then myself. I
don't want to do anything anymore. Chores, drawing,
singing..I don't want any part of it. And I adore drawing.
Latest drawing posted here:
http://www.angelfire.com/realm/soulstream/better_then_scans0
2.jpg
That's my character, (c) to me. Tanshin. I drew that during
school a while back. Dunno why, needed an emotional
release, didn't feel like crying it out there.
-continues to copy more, and more, and more songs-
Yeah, too many. I've got near 10 zip disks filled with
nothing but MP3s, and that's what I'm clearing out onto
these sites.
I think I need to force myself to go do something..but I
don't even wanna move. I just wanna sit here and wait for
Glenn to popup online, so we can talk. But I've got chores
like mad to do..This sucks. Ah well.
I might just keep adding onto this all day, come back every
so often..
Sounds good to me.
Well I'm gonna run..Might be back later. Well see. Ja.

Sayonara.
-Wanderer


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