my so called life
2001-10-08 16:54:20 (UTC)

I will survive

So, uhm.. I haven’t written in a while. I’ve started a few
times, but I never knew what to write.. Not so much has
been happening, really.
Last week was.. OK, I guess. Haven’t heard anything from
the doctor yet, but I’ve been feeling a bit better
actually. Maybe I’m not going to die after all =) Not yet
I’ve got half-term holidays!!! JAY!!!
I’m so happy :) No school for six more days!
Last week was exhausting, we had this huge history test
Tuesday and stuff.. But I coped =)
Thursday we had this big test in religion about Islam and
the Jews. When I got home from school Wednesday I was
really tired and didn’t feel like studying at all. I got on
the Internet where I met Lucy who didn’t find the energy to
study either. After a while I got a message on my
cellphone.. Guess who? Ben. They had the same test as we
did, and our form master for the past two years are their
teacher in religion as well. I know her better than him, so
he wanted to know what her tests are like. I don’t know
why, but getting a message from him made me really upset.
Lucy started saying things like “if he doesn’t like you,
why does he send you messages instead of me or Paul?” I got
even more upset since I’ve been asking myself that question
for a long time and I haven’t been able to come up with an
answer. I realised I had to go offline so I made myself a
cup of coffee and started studying. I got several more
messages from Ben, we were sending each other messages the
whole evening.. Sheeseee, he’s soo sweet!! He said “I’ll
always be there for you”. He makes me so confused! At first
I got upset about the message and wasn’t able to study.
Then he started being totally sweet and I got all happy and
stuff and wasn’t able to study. In other words, I probably
blew that test thanks to him. And it was totally worth it..
Sheese … :)
The next day I talked to him online. We started talking
about movies, I’ve got Shrek on divX and he was saying that
you shouldn’t watch movies on your computer. Silly me
haven’t seen the Matrix yet, everyone thinks I’m crazy.
I’ve got that one on divX too, but everyone’s saying that
I’m crazy if I watch that movie on my computer, so I
haven’t. He asked if I’d seen it yet, I told him no and he
said that I have to see it. We’ve had this conversation so
many times. He’s always saying that I should find someone
to watch it with and we can borrow his DVD. I don’t have a
DVD-player, so that doesn’t really work . Then he said :
I’ll probably get bored during the half-term holidays, so
I’ll watch it with you. JAY :)
He’s going away Wednesday, today’s Monday, so if we don’t
watch it tomorrow, it probably won’t happen.. Buhuu.. :P
I sat with him on the schoolbus Friday. He was going to cut
his hair. He’s so sweet, help me! Lucy, Tiff and I went to
the mall. Later that night Tiff, Geri, John (the guy I
wrote about in my last entry.. who was in my class two
years ago) and I went for a ride around the city. It was
nice. John keeps saying stuff like you’re so pretty, I
can’t stop thinking about you, hopefully I’ll see you
soon.. I don’t know what do when he’s acting like that.
Also he tells me that he doesn’t have a girlfriend, but I
know he does! That’s so weird! Him flirting with other
girls is one thing, but I wonder what she’d say if she knew
that he’s renouncing her! I haven’t told him that I know
they’re together yet, cause then he’ll think I’m jealous or
something. I have to find the right way to tell him to get
the f*** out of my life. I have no luck whatsoever with

- Saturday - :
Went to the mall to get Nina her birthdaypresent, met Lucy
Annie and Silvia.
Went to Nina’s birthday. Crazy! They only live like 30
minutes away, but they’re so different from us.. It was
fun, but unreal. Lucy, Tiff and I left around 1 p.m., we
took a cab to the club. That was so much fun! I met Ben, he
was so sweet, we were hugging and he was holding my hand
and.. yeah. I don’t know. Haven’t talked to him since that.
I hope he doesn’t leave Wednesday.. Had a huge fight with
Tom. I’m so sick of him!! He’s being an ass. I just want to
be friends with him. When he calls (he called 3 times
Saturday) I’m nice and friendly. Then he starts acting too
friendly, and I get upset. I got really pissed and told him
to f*** off. He was like I get it, I’m sorry, it won’t
happen again. He doesn’t get it at all.. I wish I never met
him. I really do.

Just got off the phone with Lisa. I wish we were closer,
we’ve got two different lives and we haven’t got much time
for each other. Lately I’ve been feeling that she’s
slipping away.

You could be my unintended choice to live my life extended.
You could be the one I’ll always love. You could be the one
who listens to my deepest inquisitions, you could be the
one I’ll always love.

Have a nice day.. Leave me a message if you want to make my

- Cath -