pepampa

Sunday night ..... just let it out Deanna

You ever have a moment when you feel lost, maybe even
forgotten???
Ever seen a person who was so familar but you just couldn't
place there face???
How about a time when you thought you knew everything, but
really you knew nothing????
Now get this how about a time when you wanted something so
bad but you knew it just wasn't going to happen???
I am not saying I have or havent felt any of this but I
just dont feel right..
I am going to try to say exactly how I feel no stoping just
fuck it let it all out I dont know where to start but I do
know I just want to be with him soo bad.. I can easily get
lost in a thought of him allowing the tears to fall down my
face hearing my heart break from the void in my heart. Now
don't get me wrong I love this man soo much that he has
filled my heart but without his touch without his company..
I feel very empty at times. Honestly almost all the time.
I know what I want in life and it's him i need his love i
need him I NEED HIM SOO BAD it fuckin hurts me soo bad.

The tears fall down my cheeks as I listen to a new song he
passed to me tonight....."I've got pictures to prove I was
there" .........there's room to believe.. out of sight out
of mind..out of reach...... *sniff* I know I will be with
him ... ever have that feeling if you wait to long it might
be too late??? I know I have I am not sure why..Funny thing
comming form the girl who think's she is dying or
something..now I dont think I am really going to die but
what if I did ohhhh god if anything happened to him I might
as well be dead. I just want to feel safe in his arms and
know he is safe in mine. FUCK FUCK FUCK I wish I could
scream right now I would yell soooooo loud I would go sit
in the rain and cry and scream I don't know why I feel like
this I just dont understand I dont like it at all I just
feel like there is so much I could say but I have such
little space to write it down on or such little time. I
just want to fuckin be with him. I am such a fool at times
i sware it I just write stupid shit and I do stupid things.
Like why am I crying when I am soo happy I have found my
soulmate????
Ever been so happy you cry happy tears??? I have....
Ever been so sad that you just laugh your guts off.. I have
Ever wanted somethgin so bad you would give up all that you
had just to have it for 1 day...1 hour..even 1 min. I would
give anythign that was asked of me right now just to hold
him in my arms to hear him say "I love you, everything is
gonna be ok" have him wipe my tears.. Feel his kiss then
BAMMMMM my min was over. ... I dont care I just need that
so much *sigh* *sniff* *sniff* I could go on forever I dont
think I can stop..... this is my journal of my thoughts or
my poems...I can't help but write in here it makes me feel
better....
Ever cryed so hard you were almost mad at yourself for
acting like such a pussy? HAHAHAHA I HAVE!!!!!!!
Ever wanted to stop writting but you dont think you can
because you feel like there's something unsaid???? I have
Ever thought you were hurting yourself for no reason
because everythign was going to be ok???? I have...
ever felt fucked up for writting everything you were
thinking in some stupid diary on line thing.... I have
hahaha@me fuck it so be it...I guess in a way I'm feeling
better already.. I just keep writting til I can't write
anymore......Well which is now....