lindsay ann

somewhere in between
2001-10-08 05:16:19 (UTC)

ahh i can't think of a title

okaaaaay. today was biola. the usual, dreadful,
inescapable thing happened. ahh i don't try, i really
don't. in fact, i'm going out of my way to avoid certain
people. haha, good plan, huh?

i don't want to wake up & go to my horrible school
tomorrow. i seriously feel like this every school
night...i don't want to go to sleep because i know i'll
have to wake up and every day is just getting harder. i
started crying (just a trickle) in the van today. it was
soo awful. and then paul asked me what was wrong and he
knew part of it but still he's the only one i've talked to
about some of this (weird, eh?) but even the few words i
said to him when he was talking to me, i had tears in my
eyes...i have to work on this crying thing.

so i'm just...wow i dunno. i just want to be able to cry
myself to sleep (which i'll do tonight) and sleep for a few
days so i can have a clear head again (that, however, will
not happen).

mmmmmmphhhhhh laaaaaaaa. profound, i know. wow. all i
can say is wow. i just want to float in my own pond right
now, which actually worked tonight. why can't i be a
wallflower for a few more years? why can't i be a gopher?
why can't i live in bible times so i could have an arranged
marriage, not go to school, have babies (hehe marisa), and
just be all jolly while i go to the well at sundown??
wouldn't that be better? i think so!!!!!