Ramblings of a Mom
2001-10-08 05:04:31 (UTC)

Does my forehead say 'stupid'?

Okay, I guess I am not nearly as smart as I thought. In
earlier entries I have mentioned this 35 y/o guy called D
and his 18 y/o girlfriend. I have really tried to help
this couple, but it just seems that the only thing that is
coming out of it is me being abused, I hope that makes
sense. This little girl is trying to tell me all about
this guy that she has been friends with since first grade,
that they dated for like, 4 months, in high school, split
up because they 'couldn't love each other' and now she
isn't allowed to talk to him because of D.
So, in exchange, basically, she is saying, well, then D
shouldn't be talking to me on the phone. Over the internet
or in chat rooms is okay, but not over the phone. Oh
MY!!! The reasoning is that at least with her friend, they
only kissed, they never slept together, blase blase, but
with D and I, well, my goodness, we loved each other, we
slept together, hell, she even went so far as to say, well,
y'all even FUCKED.
I was like, hello? We were a lot older than you and your
friend. I had a realllly hard time keeping from telling
her, we were adults, y'all were kids, ya know? DUH!!!!
She's telling me that she isn't jealous of he and I, or
even of me personally, she just doesn't like us talking on
the phone. Like that makes a hell of a lot of sense! She
wants him to only go to HER with what he's thinking and
feeling, well, wake up, DOLL, in real life, as much as we
want our spouse to be our best friend, and really our only
friend, there are certain things that you can not share
with them that you can share with someone that is on the
outside of the relationship.
I've been married, I know this, so does D, he is also
divorced after a long-term marriage. But okay, out of
respect for her and him, cuz the whole time that I am
trying to reason with this girl, he's sending me messages
on the back side, asking me what's up, is she crying, oh, I
love her soo much, help me, please. Well, okay, I will
help you, but when this female wants to equate the adult
version of sex between 2 loving people to 'fucking', the
conversation is over!
I emailed him and told him, I'm through, I've taken all of
the abuse that I am going to take here, you know how to
reach me, here's the text version of the convo, just like I
promised. I guess my heart is just toooo soft, toooo
golden, ya know?
I spend waaaay too much time trying to help other people.
And what do I get in return? A little girl that wants sooo
badly to be an adult, but can't let go of that little girl
side yet. Hell, let me rephrase that, she is a little girl
trying to make it in an ADULT world. Maybe D and she can
make it work, I don't know, whatever makes them happy.
I already told D that she would force his hand on our
friendship and make him choose between she and I, and he
told me that he would dump her before that. Well, too late
D, she has forced your hand, and I guess I am the one that
has to walk away, regardless of the pain or loss that I
feel right now or will feel in the future.
I will miss D and I's late night talks, the way that we
could tease each other and support each other through all
of the communication methods that are available to us in
the world today. He has been an incredible friend, and I
hate that we were put into this position. But, as the
saying goes, matters of the heart are never easy, and I
must allow D to follow his.
Diary, maybe after all of the drama that has happened with
me today, I will be better off dealing with the denial
rebuilding block tomorrow. I guess it is just good to say
cianara, and at least I'm not hollering, "WHY ME????!!!",
so maybe I am dealing well with my rebuilding block of
denial!!! LOL, til later!

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