2001-10-07 10:02:06 (UTC)

The Begining

The Begining of my diary,the first entry . . .

It's 3:37 in the morning and no I'm not out, I'm not
thinking abut how much fun I had tonight (sure diddn't have
any) Not staying up laughing with friends. No, instead I am
here, reminicing on the past, on Rico. Here trying to let
go because having hope for him to come back is getting me

Let me tell you about Rico. He was IT just like the
whole package smart, funny, smooth, he had connections, he
was just an awesum guy all around so easy to talk to and be
with and he diddn't care about my hair or makeup or
anything like that, I diddn't need to try to impress him
and he was hot I mean he was sexy, and was he ever sexy.
BUT (yeah sorry to say theres always a but, well he left
for colledge and I'm still here in highschool with no guy,
actually a non-existant love life. Hey what can ya do.

Well now the reason I'm even upset tonight, that would be
Rico. See thanksgiving weekend everyone comes home from
colledge. So Rico was coming back up here for the weekend
and me and him talked bout it and I was so excited like
yeah I get to see this guy I miss so much like ona my
friends. When we were talking he was like oh we are going
to spend at least a day together I miss you soo much I will
call you as soon as you get in. EMPTY PROMISES! I even said
to him no Rico there are so many people up here that you
have known so much longer that you will want to see and so
many things you are going to want to do when you get up
here you aren't going to have alot of time to see me and he
was like no man shut up who cares about them BLAH BLAH
BLAH! I was just like weeell maybe he will make time this
is gunah be so awesum so my hopes are all up. Friday rolls
around and he should be arriving any time that day so I
have my cell with me all day and I'm expecting a call. NO
CALL. So I think weeell maybe he just got held up and isn't
getting into town till Saturday morning or something so all
day Saturday i have my cell with me, waiting for a call.
NOTHING. So here I am Sunday morning it's now 3:52 am and I
am trying to think of any reason he could have for not AT
LEAST calling me. . . there is no reason, a phone call
takes 5 min just to call me up and say hey I can't do
anything with you this weekend I'm sorry but things came
up. I mean even that would be better than nothing at all.

I don't understand that boy. My hopes weren't high, I
diddn't expect to see him lotz or anything untill he rasied
them. WHY? If he wasn't even going to call me? There is no
way he can use the excuse of not having my number, it's in
my ICQ info, he knew it when he lived here, it's in the
phonebook, I gave it to him on more than one occasion. I
mean it's awesum how he makes me feel when he is like oh i
miss you so much I am going to spend time with you I can't
wait to see you ect. but it's 10 times worse of a feeling
when he doesn't call at all when I have to realize it was
all empty promises, that I just ate every word he was
saying even though I knew it probably wouldn't happen, I
let myself ignore that.

To top it all off, the like one person I wanted to talk to
tonight to just curl up with and let it all go to. Well he
is drunk, sick, and sleeping. I don't blame him and I'm not
mad about that or anything but I would have been so much
happier if i could have talked to him tonight. But that
isn't his fault. No wurries.

The last two dayz have sucked because I kept my weekend
free because Rico told me we were going to do something.
Tomorow I work from 1-9 so I think I am going to bed now. I
can get 8 hours of sleep still. If I can sleep . . .


Mood: Frusterated/Confused
Song Playing: Bad Day by Fuel (wow how coincidental)