Inside me
2001-10-07 06:51:18 (UTC)

"everyone I know goes away in the end"- NIN

I decided I don't need anyone or anything to try to make
myself happy because I know I could never be happy
anyways. Why should I Try?

What is that song that Lestat plays on the piano
in "interview with the vampire"?

I want to crawl under a rock and die. I'm sick, really
in every way I can think. I feel weak and miserable. I
want to help myself and I can't. I'm not capable. Should I
just accept the old me back into my life and become the
person I once was? Give up on who I'm trying to become?
Give up on me..myself. Give up on everything..my future?
I see no reason not to at this point. I see no reason to
care..to bother...do I care? I don't know...I dont think
so. I don't see how I could..would.

I hate what I've become. Can you help me? I just want to
close my eyes forever to this world. I feel nothing but
disgust right now...sometimes I Feel nothing...nothing at
all. Am i being de-sensitized to all this shit? When I
can just lay in bed and feel absolutely nothing...what does
that mean? What does that say about me..if anything? Does
it say...nothing? am i nothing? I feel like nothing. I
feel like a black hole..I feel so dark..so empty....so
lonely and so alone.

Can someone watch "ghost" with me and listen to unchained
melody? Can someone please hold me until I stop crying?
Can someone please play with my hair and wipe away my
tears? I've left it up to you. I"m a hypocrite. I
contradict myself all the time. I need to be loved by
someone else cause I can't love myself. I never did. Who
am I kidding, If i can't love myself, how can you? I can't
ask for that.