Until Tomorrow
2001-10-06 15:42:53 (UTC)

Untouchable Heart

October 6th-2001 (Saturday)

When I was a little girl I was so dumb. I believed in the
fairytale romance, but now as I grow up I realize that is
just a silly story parents tell their kids to keep them
happy. No parent is going to tell their kids to get ready
for tears, hate and sadness. If my parents would have told
me that I would have never wanted to grow up. I always
want to be happy and make others happy. But I to am
disapointing. I am just as guilty as everyone else. You
see I have this boyfriend, I guy I thought was the greatest.
Everything was great in the beginning, but now all there is is a
bunch of anger. He lies about the littlest things and when I catch
him somehow it gets turned into my fault.
I'm not sure how that works,
but I always am the one feeling crappy. He tells me he
would never cheat on me, and I want to believe him. I mean
I have been cheated on several times, but I want to give
him a clean slate. It is so hard though, for example last
night I went to a party with him (there were tons of hot
girls) I only stayed until about 9pm, because I had to work
early this morning. Anyways, He told me that he would be
home @10:30pm, I said alright, but don't tell me this and
then not be home I will worry. (He was drinking and it
scares me when he drives)So I sat there waiting for him to
call for about an hour, so @11:45 I decide to call the
house he was at. (I am good friends with the people's house I
am calling) He gets on the phone and the noise was so loud
I could hardly hear him. He tells me he is sorry But he has
to let me go and he wil call me as soon as he gets home.
Needless to say he never called. I try so hard to please
him, but sometimes I get sick of trying. He makes me check
in with him @ all times, plus he gets angry whenever I hang
out with my guy friends, he doesn't come right out and say
it but he says things to make me feel bad. Now as I said
before I am no angel, actually I am far from it. I have
been cheating on him. I know it sounds bad. This other guy is
great, but I am unable to date him
because a few years ago I dated his friend and we are
unsure how his friend would feel. We are going to wait
until his friend finds a girlfriend. Only problem is he is
not looking. So I guess I will wait for fate to take its
course. I have tried to get my boyfriend to get help, and I hate the
fact that I am lying to him. I just wish he would get his act
together. All I want is to be happy. I have cut off the sleeping
with the other guy until I can make up my mind about this whole
situation. Please send me input I need help!