csadler

maybe there is a god after all :)

i was feeling so depressed on the bus ride home...i went to
watch movies with kevin and julie. we rented "say it isn't
so" (pretty damn funny) and "along came a spider"...we
didn't end up watching the second one, but ended up
watching batman...i'm still feeling a little down so i need
a little mindless, emotionless, 70s pop to balance
it...maybe a little "guess who"...ah guess who now there's
a band...if you're at a used record store and can find
a "best of" used...it's some fun music :) and the
original "american woman". unless i'm confusing this with
another story (which is always possible/likely) apparently
they didn't originally record american woman, but they were
fooling around on their guitars at a concert and the lead
singer was singing "american women get away from me" or
something like that (they were in the states). some guy
was bootleg recording it and it was confiscated and the
band got it back and said "hey that doesn't sound bad" and
recorded it...or maybe it was a different band or a
different song...i'm bad with details :) so anyways, i was
on my way out the door and julie said something negative
about pat, and i was like "don't say that about pat, he's
my good friend" and she looked at me and said something
like "pat says a lot of stuff...wake up craig" or something
like that (bad at deatils remember lol). so they invited
me out (which like i said in a previous journal is nice for
a change) to go out dancing, etc. on sunday night. over
here in *CANADA* (woo-hoo) our thanksgiving is monday so
the bars are gonna be packed on sunday night so i didn't
really want to go, plus i'm broke beyond belief, but i may
go regardless. give me a chance to go out and shake my
moneymaker :) i have this hole in my heart, this hole of
lonlieness...i was hoping that someone would be on to chat
with when i got home but no one was (i was gonna ask
everybody to pray for me because i feel like shit) but my
mother sent me a prayer forward or something like that, so
it's good to know that someone's thinking of me...even if
it's just my mother :) plus it was raining hard, so i got
pissed on and i'm soaking wet which never helps :) i know
what depresses me...it's not what's happening now, but it
depresses me that it might never get better. i remember
being depressed all through high school and i said to
myself "you know by the time you're 20 this will all be
over with and it'll be sunshine" or something like
that...well guess what young craig? you're 23 and it's the
same...not worse, but different...and yes i'm still whiny
and yes i'm feeling sorry for myself today :) i liked the
first line from "say it isn't so" - there are no lonely
places, only lonely people...hopefully i'm not one for
long :)