lilliana

lilliana
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2001-10-05 20:56:43 (UTC)

Screwd

Oh my god. I am really messed up. I have to be on my own.
Im scared. Im not afraid to say Im scared. Well, scared is
too soft...petrified. Can I make it on my own? No. Will I
eventually commit suicide? Yes. It's shocking to think that
I thought of suicide even before I even knew what it was.
In second grade, when everyone talked about becoming a
teacher or a mommy or a vetenarian...I wanted to
die. "Lilliana...what a terrible thing to say!", my teacher
told me once. So I rephrased the sentence..."I don't wanna
be here on earth, Mrs.Sanders"....I think she took that
for "astronaut". Now, the question is what's after death?
Is there a heaven? The bible says so. What about purgatory?
Will I go there for killing myself? Probably. Wanna know
what I think? Here's what I think... I think that when you
die it's just pitch black and that's that. I don't believe
in God anyway so it doesn't matter what I think. I hate my
life. I hate it. It's disgusting. I cry for everyone now.
Starving children....victims in New York....Afghani's...all
of em. I hate this world. I hate it.


p.s. Hi tigerye...I got my name "holymoly" from the top of my head
which was full of air at the time. I couldn't think of anything cool.
It's a stupid sayin in America. Instead of holy shit you can say holy
moly...


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