Jack's Twisted Kingdom
2001-10-05 01:43:05 (UTC)

Methinks I am... Not Who I Think...

Ever wonder why it is that we do the things we do? I
often do... and I never come up with a decent answer...

Am I a terrible person? I can be a bastard of
unimaginable purportions one minute... and the
sweetest boi on the planet the next...

I would like my ex back.. but I don't want the relationship
we had back... I want a new one, one based on trust,
which I never showed her that she could, and for which
I didn't show I did her either... I'd like to be more open
about my feelings, I think the problem has always
stemmed from the fact that I closed off my heart and
never opened it all the way to her... Ah well, there are
things that I could never tell my ex.. she would be too,
well okay, i didn't trust her enough or have enough faith
in her as a person to tell her things...

I would like to think that I can be a good person, I would
like to think that whomever it is that I see or date again
would be able to know how much I care about them,
and hopefully I would be able to open up and be honest
about my feelings and thoughts... But I have closed off
so much of myself that I don't let anyone in, and it will
take someone with a vast amount of patience and
understanding I think to wait until I can, and for when I
am ready...

Maybe I shouldn't see anyone, or be in a relationship,
ah well....

Such is life, and I don't care, yet I do care in my own
way... A contradiction, yes, but thats who I am...

Thats life...

Lux et umbra vicissim, sed semper amor....