Green Leef Turning Gold
2001-10-04 01:48:58 (UTC)

So here it is

I hope this will be a half way decent entry...

Got up at 6am this morning, started getting all the laundry
together and finally made my way out the door about 6:30.
No angry old people picked on me today, so I took that as a
good omen. I felt like was walking around on automatic,
like a zombie. I'm tired yet, not tired. I started driving
around after I finished the laundry with a vague idea of
finding coffee, and I almost got into an accident with a
fedex truck who was turning left on the yellow light when I
was going straight. I guess he was moving to the right so
he could make a wide turn, I didn't see his turn signal and
assumed he was turning right. Either way I had the right of
way and was in the intersection BEFORE him.

But he slammed on his horn anyway. The hell with stupid
people. I'm tired of them, so at that point I had forgotten
about the coffee. I was listening to Rick Dees talking
about the WTC attack, and he had someone there who was
actually in the building when it all happened.

Somehow I ended up driving to Barnes and Noble whilst
listening. Yea I will pick out a new book I told myself,(I
did end up getting a new book btw, Magical Herbalism, by
Scott Cunningham) while I waited 20minutes in their parking
lot for it to open. I don't know why I keep torturing
myself with the details. But I don't want to forget what
happened to those people. I don't want to forget what
happened to our country, whats happening. We all saw
pictures of the USS COLE and the embassies and the other
places that were attacked in the past ten years, but we
forgot and SHAME on us. History is repeating itself. Its
not the first time the WTC was attacked yet we forgot.

We will probably continue to forget and move on. But I
don't want to forget. And I won't. And my son is only 3 but
he will know what happened and he WILL be aware of the
world around him.

I feel so depressed lately, and I don't think its abortion
or WTC related. I just feel like my relationship with my bf
is getting worse and worse. I am now actively seeking more
in the world of wicca and paganism as an escape, maybe? I
don't know, its just so healing an environment for me. I
need that now. I need to feel safer and healed.

Around other wiccans/pagans I feel that safety that you can
only get being hugged by a family member. They are like
sisters and brothers I never knew I had. I am embracing
them as such. I am tired of being unhappy. And they bring
out my happy side, almost as well as my son does. Thats
what I need to surround myself with I think. Thats what I
need in life.