Kyden Conformity

self destruction introduction
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2001-10-03 23:42:03 (UTC)

I haven t written for awhile. I..

I haven't written for awhile. I can't think of what to say
I think I'm getting depressed, secretly.
Last night I drank a hip flask of vodka and had what felt
like a hundred crazy dreams, I don't want to think about
them too deeply.

Things with Steph are ok, I guess. I'm submitted to a
hundred tiny hurts which she is oblivious too and I behave
myself in a confused, bewildered kinda way.

She's sitting behind me and I'm a little paranoid she'll
work out where this journal is located and read it.

A few days ago she said I should write her a love letter,
but I can't write love letters, I guess I never really
tried but I knew it would be too cheezy and cliche. So,
instead I made her a zine. The first half is a cartoon of
her and I before we were dating and how much I liked her
and our first date. the Second half was photo copied photos
of her and I with captions. I even sewed up a small read
case for it and screen printed her name on the front in
silver. I think she liked it..I don't know..she can be
difficult to read sometimes.

I'll have to do this again later. I feel to weird to really
write anything. She can act like I'm not even here so
casual about everything (maybe it's not an act). unlike me.
it really just redefines my position of liking her more
than she likes me. but it is only fair she has far more
responsiblities than I. I'm trying.
behave behave behave behave behave behave behave behave

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