2001-10-03 15:36:39 (UTC)


im miserable.

i spent de whole day cryin aight..
i cant believe i had dat outburst i didnt mean to hurt my
grandfather like dat.. i dint mean to shout at him and say
those things.. but a lot of things have been happenin and i
just couldnt control anymore..

why are you doing dis to me??
its trivial... but u ignoring me hurts..
i sit here and cry my eyes out.. my knife in front of me..
i try to cut myself.. tried to summone all de cowardice
courage i had to actually do it and lunger de knife into
me.. but i cant ... im a failure..
why am i hung up on you?? why do i do this to myself? i
fuck myslef. i fuck it bad.
de world has dis thing against me. its condemnation to de
very end. are you telling me ur part of dat?

i looked for security and protection from u.. i thot u cld
help me deal with de pain dat i harbour in me.. i thot u
cld catch me when i fall and back me up when someone hits
me hard while de world acts as my faithful audience.. i
thot that if der was somene who coould stand up for me and
fight for me itd be you...

but u went awol on me... what are we?? what am i to u?????
have u ever asked urself dat??? WHAT AM I TO YOU DAMNIT???
take two seconds of ur precious time and ask urself dat qn
damnit, what de fuck am i to you?????