Queer Focus
Ad 0:
2001-10-03 07:52:50 (UTC)

Consequences 4 Your Actions

Am I being too mean right now? Since the whole deception
that Jordan pulled by reading my diary and not telling me,
I have not been "me." I love him, but he broke a trust in
me that I thought that he would never do. I refuse to let
him kiss me and no matter how much he wants me to, I will
not make love with him because I feel that he violated a
part of me. I do not want to get physical with him again
until I feel that I can trust him again. I think
personally, that shows that I am a person with ideals and I
am not gonna waver from my own ideals to suit someone
else's. We have barely even slept in the same bed in the
last three or four days...he has slept on the couch while I
have remained in our bed, and not from my insisting, but
more, I believe, because he can feel that I am upset with
him right now. We have discussed the fact that I know that
he read my diary, but he seems to not even care about it,
and that is what truly bothers me. It's like if he doesn't
mention or talk about it that it will go away...and it
won't. The other night at Brandon and Josh's house while
we all were playing Truth or Dare, I purposefully said
things to piss him off, but he acted so calm and nonchalant
about it. I only decided to act this way because even when
we were playing the game, he was trying to throw shit at me
that he found out in my diary...and that is DEAD wrong. No
respect for what I am/was feeling while I write in my
journal and no remorse for reading it. This is really
starting to make me question where our relationship is
headed, at this point.