Pink Flowers

Pink Flowers
2001-10-03 04:58:07 (UTC)

One Fucked Up Day......

This is defiantly the most fucked up day of my entire
life. My mom called me from the office around eleven and
told me that she was in love....and it wasn't with my
father. Her love was for a co-worker, Greg, who so
convienently happens to be the father of a set of twins
which i will have to assosiate with once she divorces my
dad and marries him. Life is so fucking confusing....you
see I am not angry at my mom bacause my dad does have
issues of making his family feel like shit because he is
such an over-achiever. My grandmother also plays a key
part in my dads inability to love. She is a phsycotic
bitch who at once had tried to get my mom commited to a
hospital. Well anyway as I was holding back the tears that
were about to come streaming down my face I forced myself
to reassure my mom that it was ok and that i was not
ashamed of her. I told her that the whole point of life
was to love someone and if that means starting over with a
new marrage then so be it. I talked to her for hours in my
closet so that I was sure no one would be able to hear me.
It is so strange I had always suspected smething between
them but never actually believed it. While on the phone
with my mom she told me something that made me sick to my
stomach. She told me that she didn't want to come home at
night from work because she knew she would have to "do
things" with my father and she would rather have him get
mad at her that have to come home and "cuddle." God, I
don't know what to think. Their marrage was obviuosly a
huge mistake and she had admitted that to me. She has told
me before that one of the reasons she married him was
because her mother was sick and that she wanted her mom to
think that she was going to be happily married. Ahhh, the
other thing that I am thinking about with this whole thing
is that my dad has no idea that this is all coming....and
probably very soon. It is not all his fault that my father
turned out the way he did he just doesnt know how to love a
person becasue of the way he had been brought up. Oh also,
my mother told me that their relationship was strictly non
phisical.....well come on how stupid does she think that I
am? I know they must have done something. I mean can you
really love someone like that without partaking in anything
physical...what if he turned out to be an awful person to
make love to......would she still be able to love him?
What if she discovered that he only had one testicle....I
mean isn't a fraction of loving someone physical? Okay, if
I think about this anymore I might be sick! Why couldn't I
just have a normal life. I don't want a family anymore. I
just want to become independent! Or crawl in a hole and
wither away. Either would work!