eidolon

shifting mists
2001-10-03 03:48:18 (UTC)

do you? ...

.. do you ever worry that things won't work out? .... that
fate will step in ... or bad luck ... or ... whatever ...
will step in and call halt to us? ....

... i do .... perhaps i am just a worrier .. but i do ....
okay .. i am a worrier .. i admit it ... .but .... this is
a major concern for me ....

.. you see ... there are so many "what ifs" ... so many
things that could stand in our way ...

.... the chance that we could discover things about each
other that would make us feel we are incompatible ... a
chance accident ripping one of us away .... finances ...
getting caught in the stretch of time between now and our
eventual binding of lives .... my own stubbornness (which i
know is often impossible to live with) and/or sometimes
difficulty communicating (which i think we have done very
well with so far) ... the treachery of others ... someone
closer, easier to bind with, more deserving, more lovely,
more fitting, etc coming along and whisking your heart
away ... and there are so many more ...

... you say to me that nothing and no one will keep us
apart ... that your future is with me just as i believe
that my future is with you ... that you love me and would
never change your mind ... but ... there are so many things
in life that are not under our control ...

.... and i am so scared of these things .... terrified of
them ....

... it is a new feeling ... this fear of future's
uncertainties and the impatience bred by that fear ....

.... i have never felt this way before ... felt the need
and the urge to know the future down to the most minute of
details .... and that in itself is frightening because it
goes against my nature .. against my free-spiritedness ....
against my habit of sitting back and just being prepared as
i watch the chips fall as they may ...

... when i am with you these fears are faded ... barely
there nigglings in the back of my mind .... but the longer
we are apart the stronger they become ...

.... i guess i'm trying to say .... that i miss you .....
more than you could imagine ....