The Owner(s)

Matt's Whining and Bullshit
2001-03-01 03:11:28 (UTC)

*Shanen* Havent written in..


Havent written in awhile....just need to write right now,
and my real diary seems to be nowhere....You don't have to
listen to my babble. Leave before I bore and confuse you to

Ever watched Jawbreaker? Well think about Liz....Watched
Clueless? Think about Cher....looked at me lately? I am
anything BUT perfect, but then why do my friends put me down
as those types of people when we are...catorgerizing?
Marisa claims to be the snobby one, the feared one. She
thinks Jess....well Jess as the bytchy one, and sorta not
all there, but relying on her looks. And Amanda...God
please never let her read this, but as the "Marcie"
or "Tai" aka a follower...not that I totally agree*cough.
Well it's just like everything seems to be falling apart
lately. Everything that used to seem so solid and stable,
and REAL, are now just...gone. So how am I supposed to put
on this front of *perfection* as they put it, how am I
supposed to stay strong, be strong, and just....just stay
who I am, but then again, WHO AM I? I don't even know. And
so how am I supposed to get up in the mornings and go to
that school and face every person I know,and attempt to get
through the day while the whole world I know is crashing
down all around me. People are being ruined, friendships
are forgotten, and all that other bad stuff that goes along
with adolesence....
But even as this is all happening, I know when the day
starts again, I will be walking down that hallway with my
head lifted high, making eye contact with everyone I pass,
and I will be smiling......and I still don't know why.
Well there is probably more I would have included in my
real diary, and I will probably write it all down when I
find the time to, but I don't feel....comfortable writing
on an online journal entry. Speaking of my diary, it is
halfway full, I've gotta start writing more soon. When it
is finally full, I plan on lending it to my best friend,
who seems to be going through alot of MAJOR problems(bigger
than anyone imagines), and no one else besides me knows
about these problems, she has a disguise too, she keeps on
smiling, walks with her head high, and has shared her
innermost thoughts of her diary with me. So maybe if I show
mine to her, she'll sorta see my life isn't too perfect
either, and it never was(diary started in 7th grade Easter

(More to come soon)