Just another girl

Fooling With Words
2001-10-02 04:50:17 (UTC)

sec one complete

Releif. Such a good feeling. I just got my section one
paper done, I feel much better, I think I did a decent job
for the short amount of time I spent on it. Although who
am I to compare my saintly work with the develish grasp of
the red pen of death?
I've decided i'm retarded. About everything. Too
sentimental. Overly attached to my past. I am still
clinging to Drew because he was my first everything, and we
had some sort of weird bond that is unexplainable, but it's
like we learned in chemistry today, that when bonds break,
you can't put them back together, and sometimes the
aftermath can be shockingly beautiful. Sometimes it can be
ugly and stinky. Anyway... i'm not going to let my life
now revolve around my life in the past. The past makes up
who we are now, but what we do now eventually becomes our
past and makes up who we are in the future. I'm sick of
not living up to my own expectations, and I don't care how
depressed I am, I'm not going to let it ruin my life and
control my existence.
That means
1. Getting over Drew
2. No more swearing
3. Less tlaking in General,letting my absesce of words
speak louder than my presence of words.
4. Tolerance: making it readily practiced.
5. No more swearing, mentally or verbally- although
mentally not swearing poses a great challenege. I"m going
to work on it.

Ok. So I am done with section one, it is about 11:30,
and I am doing laundry, I have to be up in 6 and a half
hours for school.. but i'm really not tired, so I won't go
to bed for a couple more hours.
I'm disappointed that Spencer didn't win, but I hear
Candice did, so I am happy about that. She is so pretty and
super nice. And she is a great clarinet section leader. I
couldn't ask for better.
Did I ever mention that I made roaring 20's? I don't
think I did.... well I did, and I guess I wasn't as happy
as I thought I would be.. It's one of those things that you
don't get relally excited about making, but if you don't
make it, then you would be very disappointed in yourself.
I'm getting a B in research in writing. Very upset about
that. It's going to bring my GPA down. Stupid nefarious
red pen of death. I've gotten 100 percent on all my vocab
quizes so far. I love vocabulary. I don't,however, like
researching, as much I love writing, the loss I feel over
researching and time wasted peering into endless books on
the Vatican when I could be writing free style, just
doesn't compensate for the fact that I get to write at all
for a class. I"m getting a B in chemistry to.
Surprisingly harder than one would expect.
Oh well. It will be ok. And world studies?? A complete
waste of time. I enjoy band and choir, I love music. I
don't mind researching and writing, I love the 20 minutes
essays and the vocab, it's just the grammar and research
that I detest. Chemistry has fun experiments, and Mr.
Walker is mildly interesting, so that keeps me from falling
asleep. But world studies.... goodness. Terrible.
absolutely excruciatingly painful. I have to pinch myself
to stay awake the whole period. At least the first qrt. is
1/2 completed. That is very reassuring, yet also very scary
at the same time. Time goes so slow and fast, and cannot
be said. sigh. I relaly just miss Drew's constant
friendship, and miss the lack there of I am feeling now.