Don Juan

2001-10-02 04:12:41 (UTC)

How fucked up am I?

Okay everyone... I am one of the most uncurable, corupted,
fucked up person you'll ever meet or hear about in this
case. Let me start off by telling you what I 'used' to be
like. I was the perfect little angel (seriously). I went
to church... believed in god, and even loved the asshole.
I did everything my parents told me to... usually, but
there was always that nagging mother telling me to clean my
room, that didn't work all the time. I didn't do any of
the 'worldly' things. I really didn't. I used to get all
over ANYONE that I even heard cuss. I was an incredably,
yet true, dork! Now let me tell you what I've become:
Remember those people your parental units always tell you
to avoid and that "Those are NOT the kind of friends you
need." Do you? Well, you're reading what one of those
people wrote. I smoke, I drink, I cuss, I've almost done
every drug possible, and... to top it all off-- I enjoyed
most of it. Oh... did I mention I had a $500 reward out
for me? Yup. I have this uncontrollable hatred toward god
(notice the undercast on the g). I've almost managed to
scare away everyone that ever cared about me in my previous
life. The only ones left are my parents... but I'm slowly
working on them. Apparently I had a very bad case of
depression recently. I came home drunk one too many times
and my parents decided that I might need help. When asked
if I wanted it, I said sure... thinking it would get me out
of some of the trouble I'd be in. Then I started thinking
about it, and decided that I really needed it and wouldn't
fuck with the doctor and say all the ink blots look like
cheese burgers that don't have and FUCKING PICKLES!!! I
told him the truth about everything... even the me drinking
way too much for a 17 year old guy (about 3 pints a week of
HARD alcohol). He just looked at me on my first visit and
said, "Son, it's a no brainer that you need anti-
depressants." So I said, "Cool, happy pills!" No, not
really... I was actually shocked... a NO BRAINER!! what
the fuck!?!?!? Anyway, I've started taking them, and I
actually think that they are helping a little, I'm not so
angry and down all the time... even to the point of
annoyingly happy some days. I think I'd rather be
depressed on those days... lol. Well everyone... HOW