ra

Hg(CNO) 2.2
2001-10-02 04:05:23 (UTC)

evaporation, inc.

i walk through the mall and try to feign a sense of
purpose. i mimic the catwalk strides of women with
rustling bags and business suits which bear the
invisible slogan, "make way. i'm important. i have a
schedule."

at first i can distinguish among the individual
instruments: murmuring voices, clicking feet, hungry
infants, cash register cha-cha-cha-chings, elevator
chimes and cell phone melodies. after five minutes the
sounds are thrown into an atmospherical blender to be
pureed into a single, homogenous, background hum,
an intoxicating ocean of white noise.

the Noah Method is predominant - today's pairing style
of choice for the strolling genre. intimate duos pass,
two by two, turning solitude into a concept more
awkward than it should be. the increased awareness
of self reminds me of the role i am playing. Omnipotent
Narrator, outside observer. the Lone Amoeba. it is no
surprise i got the part. i have been auditioning my
entire life.

buried spite surfaces at the site of couples; couples in
love and out of love, mothers and their daughters,
fathers and their sons. they float around freely,
unaffected by the fact that outside the temperature has
just dropped five degrees. a girl with golden hair
sneaks up behind an equally radiant friend, covering
her eyes and whispering what i assume to be, "guess
who?" for a moment i become paranoid and think they
are mocking me with muffled laughter as i check my
reflection in a nearby GAP window. i glance back at the
girls and my hypothesis is instantly discredited: they
have been too consumed by conversation.

to them, i am still invisible.