2001-10-02 02:29:48 (UTC)


Today was pretty shitty. I feel as if i have a thousand
things raining inside of my head at once. Not the best
feeling in the world. Did my usual thing got up went to
work got home at 1 pm and got online like i always do, so i
can talk to the only girl right now that can make me happy
and she probably doesn't even know that. I talked to her
for awhile today. Everything was going good till something
just clicked in my head and i just didn't want to explode
on her or anything so i said i had to go..but then got back
on about 5-10 mins later. I can't believe that i've fallin'
this much. I've seriously never felt this way and i don't
know what it is, it's crazy though. Usually i have no
problem getting over people..but this one has stuck on me.
I do love her more then anything...i care about her and
everything. Shitty thing is she's really really really
really happy with the guy she's with now..and that just
really kills me..even though she's happy and everything.
Don't get me wrong though..i LOVE being friends with
her..how could i not..my god she's a kick ass chick..if you
ever talked to her you'd know what i mean. She's
awesome..and i've made A LOT of mistakes in the past with
her and that sucks cause now it's like my love for her is
about to explode here..and she doesn't have the same
feelings for me anymore. I am greatful to be friends with
her though. I just wish ..ya know she give me a
chance..that would be the best thing that ever happened to
me in my life...erk i just had to get that out. I say this
shit a lot and i know people probably get annoyed by
it..well sorry if you do..but it's the only way for me to
calm myself down is by writting it out.

Here's what i have in my info at the moment...

Don't you hate how you sit there and watch the one person
you love more then anything drift away....sucks doesn't
it...knowing having a chance is slim...having a life seems
to fade away cause all you worry about is that
someone.. ..depression kicks in cause you hate the fact
that the person is already with someone and how happy
they're together...really gets to ya doesn't it...sitting
alone in the pitch black in your room wondering why? ...i
do it all the time..life sucks when you can't get just one
thing that you want...i want this more then anything...but
doesn't seem to want to go my way...you might think i'm
crazy..good for you..cause i am....i do love this person..i
do care for this person so much..the person i guess just
doesn't feel the same way and wont give me a chance...i
probably don't derserve a chance anyhow..cause i suck..
Anyways..i know this person it probably tired of hearing
this but ...i love you!