Just another girl

Fooling With Words
2001-10-02 01:44:58 (UTC)

*sigh*

If any of my friends discover that I have this diary.. let
me now so I can quit exposing my naked soul. Please. I
write things i'd rather you didn't know. Oh!! The phone is
ringing!.. please be drew, please be drew..... and.... it's
not. Sinking feeling in pit of stomach that I should be
used to by now, but am not.
I have section one of my huge research paper due
tomorrow. I haven't even started. It's going to take me at
least five hours. It's already 8:00. I don't have the will
power to start. I don't want to go to school tomorrow. I
don't want to do anything, I just want to sit on here and
write, and ramble, and try to make sense of things in a non-
sensical world. I really just don't want to go to school.
Although, we did do some interesting expirements in
chemistry today. We made things glow. Still. Hell and
school are pretty much interchangable.
I miss Drew so much, and that is such a bad thing.

Something somewhere in my hosue is beeping very obnoxiously-
- i'm about to the point where I am going to find it and
chuck it down the street..... ggrr.

Anyway.. I miss Drew. I keep wondering if I would be happier if we
were still together, although I know I
wouldn't be. Well, I would be happier, but still not to the
degree which I shuld be. To the degree which I was. I was so happy
with him befor, because we had the greatest friendship in the world,
and he knew he was the most important person in my life, and I knew I
was the most important person in his.. that has faded so much now,
that it is indistinguishable, and i'm sure he has forgotten
everything. At least, it feels as if he has. I just keep
picturing him holding Sierra.. or kissing Sierra, and I
wonder if he is happy. I hope he is, and if he isn't, I
wonder if maybe I would make him happy. I want things to
be the way they used to be. When we were inseperable, and
we couldn't stand to be away from eachother and every day
was looked forward to, because I would be able to see him, to
touch him, to kiss him. We used to be so perfect, and then
he got a job. And he started spending less time with me,
and I made more friends to compensate for that loss. And then I
becamse best friends with Jamie,
and now we are practically glued at the hip. As much as I
cherish her as my best friend, and I do, beleive me- I
loved it more when Drew was my best friend. I love him more
than anybody else in the whole world, and he used to love
me too. I miss us.
I know that if we got back together right now, things
wouldn't be any different then they ahve been the past few
weeks, but I relaly want to try to get to know him as a
person again. I want to know him as well inside and out as
I used to before, and I want him to know me better than I
know myself, like he used to. I just want that again. That
trust, that care, that love, that feeling of security and
comfort, nothing else in the world is better than that.
He won't even talk to me. It hurts.