Just another girl

Fooling With Words
2001-10-02 01:08:13 (UTC)

Temporary Insanity

I plead temporary insanity on those last couple of entries.
Sorry. I have days like that when it's all I can think
about. I'm better today in some aspects, not that I feel any
better, but that I am managing it better. Thinking more
normal about it, rather than so crazily. I hate my family.
They argue about everything they can. They fought for twenty minutes
over why we shouldn't move the basketball hoop with us when we move,
and how the people moving in here are rich assholes that are going
exploit our house and then re-sell it. I'm going to miss my house. I
swear the whole world is against me.
So I cornered Drew in the hallway today(I am reminded
because the phone just rang, and once again it isn't him)
and asked him if his mom told him I called. I guess she
did, but she didn't tell him until eleven so it was too late
to call. Sure....... well, acutlaly maybe, it' sjust so hard for me
to trust what he says, because I really don't know him anymore.
Anyhow, I told him I needed to talk
to him, but he still hasn't called. I just wanted to ask him how he
feels right now, if he regrests it, or if he is glad he did it, if he
misses me, or if this is for sure how he wants it to be. I also
wanted to tell him that I am sorry I cried so much, because that had
to put him in an awkward position, and I think he handled the
situation very well.
I think he's doing stuff with Sierra, or else he really just
seriously hates me. Why would he not call? Is he scared of what I
will say? Does he think I will react poorly?
It is about 7:45, and right now I am home by myself
missing the homecoming coronation, because all that crapis
pointless anyway. Although I do hope Spencer gets
crowned something, because he is a decent person. I'm so
sick of myself and my crappy attitude, and my
swearing all the time. I really never swear
outloud, I promise, just in my head, but it is really beginning to
bother me.
Ah, so much freedom, in such an incarcerated
I seriously am so sick of myself I could throw up the
nasty greasy eggs I just ate for supper because we have no
food in the whole god forsaken house.