Alex's Angel

... umm ... yeah ... ok ...

[**alex - dont get mad, ok? im sorry...**]

alex and i had a pretty serious talk last night, and i have
to admit, it was kinda weird cus he started. usually, when
we have those kinda talks i'm the one who starts it. and it
just surprised me when he brought it up.

well anyways, we were talkin kinda, then all of a sudden he
said i was kinda making him sad cus it seemed like i was
mad at or distant from him or something. i didnt bother
lying and say im not upset about anything cus there was no
point in hiding from him (he was suppose to come visit me,
but he didnt and that was the reason i didnt feel like
talkin to him last night). he could tell something was
wrong. so i told him the fact that he's the only one who
can make me happy and i cant be with him even for just a
few hours pisses me off. then he said something after that
i dont remember, but basically he saying i also make him
happy even though its all just online. then he said some
more sweet stuff after that.

well the thing is i dont believe any of the stuff he said.
i think all of it was crap. even though he said he really
cares and whatever, i just dont buy any of it. i dont
believe anything anyone says to me anymore. [mental note:
gotta thank cailin for that ... thank him for screwing me
over real bad...]

like i said to him, im starting to get too attached to him,
and im scared its gonna be like another cailin situation.
but i know this time, even though we only know each other
online, its gonna be worse than what happened with cailin.
its gonna affect me a lot more. i dont think i can handle
getting hurt again. i especially dont think i can handle
getting hurt by alex ... not by the person who's keeping me
from cutting again...