2001-10-01 06:50:56 (UTC)

A New Month, A New Day.

A new month has started and a new day. Oh Joy!
October has come and September has gone.
Stephan and I just finished talking over msn messenger.

Tomorrow Robert and I will talk. Yes, my thoughts
are with Robert I am afraid. He lives in this
state I live in. I do want to meet Stephan though.

I do not know what I would have done without both of them. They have helped me to get HIM out of my mind and onto something else. I am grateful.

I want HIM out of my life for good. I want HIM never to contact me again. He is incapable of loving me just for me and as I am.

I know it is hopeless and a lost cause. I, will not, however, close my door to him. Because I am
not that kind of person. Perhaps if HE sees that
someone cares about HIM, it will bring about
a change of heart and mind about me, someday.

I am not hopeful on that though. He is pretty set
in his ways. Too bad! The mother of his first born son and all.

I can not imagine what it is not to be loved by someone and cared by someone. And so widely hated.
Even by your own family and second ex.
Not to be able to see your own children.

They will never know HIM and she will never make
mention of it. She loves the money his rich oldman
is sending her to support his children in Ireland.

Most doubtly she will tell them He has either
died or abandon them, and not tell the the truth.

They will grow up hating their own father. How sad.

I am convinced HE has a heart underneath that cold
interior, but will not show it. How sad!

Atleast, My daughter knows me and loves me.
I have her to prove I have something in this world.
Something good and sweet.

I have men who love me. HE has nada!

I hope one day he comes to realize what he has lost and what he had a chance to regain. I hope so.