Queer Focus
2001-10-01 06:43:09 (UTC)

Then From The Blue, Enter You

Easier said than done, in my case. Lex and I have been
best friends since the day we met, some 2 and 1/2 years
ago. You name it, we have probably been through it. No
matter how good, how bad, we always manage to get through
the times together. We totally support each other's
endeavors with everything we can for each other. We both
know that, when the chips are down, each of us will always
have a place to run to in an emergency. And because of
this closeness, we share everything we think about, care
about, or feel with one another. It was during on of these
said discussions that recognition happened. Let me start
from the top. When I first met Lex, he was to become my
boss and I, his employee. With him being a newbie in town,
and gay, and I being a local, and gay, I assume that it
would become natural for us to connect with each other,
especially with the closeness of our ages. It wasn't long,
though, that I began to develop feelings more than friend-
to-friend, or boss-to-employee, but more of the yearning
and longing. In case you are wondering, it was not about
sex. It was about how he made me feel: like I mattered, he
cared about me, always made me smile, was there for me, and
always willing to take a chance with me with a myriad of
different activities. We developed a really tight bond
that several different people tried to destroy, but we
always found our ways back to one another. We have an
extreme amount of similarities, and are even born 4 days
apart. We are so close that we are even able to complete
thoughts for one another and even sentences. Though it was
not in the cards for us to be together in a traditional
relationship, we have always remained close. Enter our
respective spouses, Chance and Jordan, two people who also
have an incredible similarity as well, in mannerism,
behavior and even thought process. And even in the way
that they both find ways in irritating the piss out of both
Lex and I. Have you ever had such a strong connection with
someone that you cannot just walk away?? That's how I feel
about Lex, no matter how or who his life is revolving, I
will never give up on the fact that we will one day be
together. I am not saying that it is about sex, more than
I am saying that it is about how we see ourselves, what we
want for our lives, what we want for each other. Heaven
help me for saying this, but I truly believe that Lex is
the one that I am supposed to end up with in life, not
Jordan for I, or Chance for he. If you would see our
closeness already, you would understand what I am trying to
articulate into words. The way Chance treats Lex from time-
to-time, and certain situations that get blown way out of
proportion are extremely deplorable. I love Chance to
death, but I am calling a spade a spade, when I say that
Lex deserves better. I am not saying that I am better, but
I am saying that Chance better wake up, grow up, and
recognize before it is too late. Lex is a treasure that
deserves to be honored and if Chance cannot do that, then
someone else WILL come along and take Lex from him. Jordan
and Chance are both younger than both Lex and I, and it
shows in their behavior and lack of ambition in life. And
it is stuff like that, that is pissing both Lex and I off
about our respective spouses, and each others spouses. But
though Lex and I talk about everything, this is one thing
that I have never been able to talk to him about, my
feelings toward him. I feel that with the direction that
our lives are in right now, that it would do more damage
than good, so I choose to keep quiet. I will live by my
rule, and die by my rule: "If it is meant to be, then it
will be!!"