Queer Focus
Ad 0:
Want some cocktail tips? Try some drinks recipes over here
2001-10-01 06:39:27 (UTC)

Sometimes Love Is NOT Black And White

When life gives you lemons, you're supposed to make
lemonade, but I don't know how. Nothing is easy when you
are a gay male. I am somewhat lost inside myself lately.
Actually, lost in my past. My life revolves around one
man, Slick. And that is all well in good, except that I
have been dating Jordan for the better part of a year now.
I didn't mean for any of this to happen. I just meant to
move on with my life once Slick and I went our separate
ways. I met Jordan and that looked like it would happen.
Well, that is not exactly how it happened. I met Slick a
while back through some friends, and one thing led to
another, and led to a very crazy, exciting adventure with
him. I knew that when I met him that there was something
amazing about him, though I tried to keep it a secret.
That is until I said "screw it" and fessed up. Slick was
very flattered, but he explains bits about his past and how
that would inevitably play into our somewhat
complex "relationship" one day. So, needless to say, I
excepted the fact that he and I would now have labels for
each other in reality, but what our hearts said, well that
was totally free game. One of the things that he divulged
to me was the fact that though he was "coupled" already
with a female, that he was 1-not physically with her due to
numerous problems and 2-did have a child with this girl. I
appreciated his honesty and agreed that though I typically
did not date bisexual men due to past hardships with them,
that I would try whatever we had out. Like I said, life
was wonderful. We spent every waking moment together and
got into all kinds of mischief together. It was great.
Until one day, we got into a little too much trouble, and
we needed help getting out. The only person that we had to
call was the Mrs. for assistance and thus we forged this
maniacal plot to ensure that she would rescue us. Little
did I know that by her helping us, she would be helping
herself to my man. After all of it was over, she was left
with Slick and I was left with the bag. I was devastated,
but I carried on. Thinking of Slick continuously helped me
go forward each day. I just knew in my heart that he would
come back for me...and he did. To make a long story short,
he asked me to move in with his wife and he, for they need
help with financial reasons. I came to find out that that
was a cover story used by Slick to get me back into his
life though. And so the story started again, all the while
his girl never being the wiser. And then the inevitable
happened again, which involved lost jobs and the were
forced to move, not far away, but I knew I could not go, so
we separated once again. I had, in this time, met Jordan
and we began dating. I really liked him and so we took it
further by me moving in with him. I love Jordan, I truly
do, but there is a funny thing about love. You can love a
million people in your life, but you can never love any two
people the same. I love Jordan, but if I had to choose, I
would choose Slick to live the rest of my life with. I
must say that, for someone who was cynical on love, he is
the greatest love of my life. We continue to see one
another, even though we are both in relationships. Sex has
only occurred once with us since I have been with Jordan.
have always been a strictly faithful person before, but I
lost it one night with Slick and we did it. Now I have to
live with the fact that I have been unfaithful, and I will
never tell Jordan. He, unfortunately, knows of my and
Slick's past relationship due to a certain big mouth
person, but he will never know anything else, because no
one knows what happened between us except for Slick and
myself. I love Slick and he loves me, but he is afraid of
losing his children so he chooses to keep quiet. He has
only lived out his bisexuality three times in his life, and
I know, personally, both the other people for which he was
with...one was my best friend 6 or 7 years ago. But my
best friend understands my connection to Slick, so he
approves. And I love him for that...he's happy with his
life and now he wants me to be happy whether with Jordan or
Slick. In know that inevitably, I will have to choose.
And I love Slick more than anything in the world. I would
die, even kill for him. I love him THAT much. I love
Jordan too, but it's different. I don't think it is enough
to love though, there has to be heat, passion, desire,
devotion. And, as sad as it is for me to say this, I have
all of that with Slick. Jordan is a wonderful guy,
but...something is lacking that I cannot commit to him 100
percent. And so I live these virtual two lives that no one
is aware except Slick and I and it kills me. One would
think it kills me to be so duplicitous to two innocent
people, Jordan and Mrs. Slick, but it kills me more that at
this time, me and Slick cannot be together. Who knows what
the future holds, but for now, everything just keeps moving
on and I just have to live. My love for Slick is powerful,
but I know that my love for Jordan is powerful too...I just
have to figure out what is not there for us and what is.
And only then will I be able to figure who my future is
with...Jordan or Slick. Just another day in my so called
GAY life.

https://monometric.io/ - Modern SaaS monitoring for your servers, cloud and services