EmilyStrange

The Chronicles of Ms. Evil
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2001-10-01 06:09:32 (UTC)

Parents can't live with out them and you can't shot them

Well it's been 4 days now since I wrote my mom and I still
have no reply from her. This scares me and pisses me off
all at the same time. Cuz my mom is an internet jumkie so
i know she would have read her mail already so something
could be wrong. Or they could just be ignoring me which
would really suck. I really hate that i am not getting a
reply cuz even if something bad did happen wouldn't i get a
call anyway saying that something bad happened. I just
donn't get it. I like want to see my parents. I hated
living with them but at the moment I need them. I need them
to care about me. They are the people who are supposed to
be there for me no matter what and they are not here and
they seem to not even care if i was dead or alive. Ken is
fucking there more than they are, and I haven't even known
him that long, I love him to death but I shouldn't have to
rely on him to be there when my parents should be. Erin is
having problems and I can't help her with them. How I wish
I could. It helps me to help her out because then I forget
about my stupid problems. I just put them back into that
little cave in the back of my mind. I love Erin so much, I
just hate being so far away. It seems like I am on an
island, helpless, and alone. I have my friends here at
college but they know the Emily, college girly. It's just
another side of myself that I must make to keep myself
happy, well at least seem it so that no one has to worry
about me. They have problems of their own so why the fuck
bog them down, it would be so pointless. And anyways,
everyone loves a cheerful person so i'm the life of the
party no matter if i'm dying inside or not. It helps me
cope i guess, or maybe it's just easier this way. When i
was with erin I could be myself, I could be emily totally
insane and above the norm, I can be that with ken too. But
erin understands it better cuz she herself is totaly insane
and above the norm. I miss our summer, i wish i could turn
time back and go back to the beach, Nads and flex. God
what an awesome summer. I miss erin too and i have been
such an awful friend and i can't see why i would do this.
I like would just forget to write or call. I'm such a
jackass. I mean how could i let myself slip on the one
person that really matters to me so much as erin. Hell we
are going to grow old together and corrupt each others kids
and when they all leave us we'll move in together and drive
each other nuts all day long hiding each others dentures
and mixing the vitimens so that they have the runs for
days. We are going to be evil old people. chasing kids
down the boardwalk on the beach with our walkers. LOL. I
just wish we could spend these days together, the most
trying ones, the ones were we need each other the most.
Life kinda sucks in that way, they bring to people together
that just totally click and send then out away from each
other again. I think that's what scares me about ken and
i's relationship, we click so well and i love him so much
but he's at school now in another state, and then when he's
done with that he's going to all his power school stuff and
then he's going out into the Fleet where he goes out fo r6
months. Everytime I think about it it doesn't really phase
me and I dont' know why. I haven't cried yet when he
leaves me. I get sad but i never cry. When the world
trade center got attacked and I heard that troops were
being activated I cried i was in fucking hysterics for
god's sake. I literally couldn't stand up i was crying so
hard. I was so sure we were going to go to war. I was
scared for ken and for mark. At first i was in shock i
just kinda stared at the tv for like 30 min and then scott
came in and took my chin in his hand and a tear ran down my
cheek, and he hugged me and i just started crying so hard.
And then i went to eat at mustangs and some girl came up
and said that a shit load of troops and reserves were
activated and I knew that meant red had to leave, but i
didn't know if that meant ken too( i found out later that
no it doesn't, he'd have to go to school first) but i broke
down again crying and nearly dropped to my knees. Red had
to pick me up and sit me down on his lap on a bench. I
never felt so scared in my life. God Diary there are so
many things I have to catch you up on but for now I am
going to go so homework. Good night, Diary

Ms. Evil


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