once again
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2001-10-01 05:46:13 (UTC)

early a.m.

Sometimes I feel sorry for myself because I only have a few
friends and I hardly go out. I'm so used to having
something to do or people over every night that this whole
thing bothers me. But then I stop and thank God that I
don't go out because it causes trouble and I actually get
sleep and I don't deal with bullshit anymore. I drive
around at night when I get out of work early. I go
downtown and look at the buildings and feel peacefull. I
really think about things...what am I going to do if/when
Shawn gets here, are things going to work out, what kind of
blocks will I have up with him. Amica hasn't emailed me in
2 weeks, I think and I know now that she obviously didn't
care about what friendship we had. But do I really need
the extra stress? I miss her, we were so close. Rockie,
my cat, keeps me company most of the time and I look
forward to waking up in the morning to a phone call from
Shawn. I have a good life now and I'm actually trying to
do good things. Financially and physically. I'm keeping
my spending to almost 0%...only on gas and cigarettes. And
I'm improving my eating habits and times. If I eat before
bed it's healthy and small. I'm doing good and I'm staying
active so I'm not depressed. I try to keep my mind off of
those that I miss. I know Q and Chip are up here right now
but I never bothered calling before they left to set plans
so they know were I work and if I was a friend they'll find
me. If not then ohwell. I miss my old life a little but
my pictures are my company. I wish I didn't think so
deeply about things sometimes because I drive my self nuts
and run around in circles. Things don't make sense then.

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