I remember when I was two years old, catching the bus
with my mother everywhere. Just my mother and I. No one
else. Everytime, before we got on the Foothill Transit Bus,
she'd buy me an apple juice. Not any kind of apple juice,
but the best god damn apple juice around. Martinelli's
Gold Meda 100% Apple Juice from Fresh Apples.
Today, after fourteen years, I tasted it again. It
was like falling back through this time machine and being
hit on the head with a turban. It was a taste of Bliss.
As though for one fucking second I was two again. As
though I were completely great with drinking apple juice and
getting on the bus.
Now a days, it's completely embarassing to ride the
bus. For one, there are too many assholes, illegal aliens,
and weird old men and woman. Just last week I was on the
bus, and since I catch the bus at 7:02 P.M., the damn thing
is full with people. I hate it. It makes me feel like an
under class citizen. It makes me feel cheap and dirty. I
am such an narcissistic asshole...always thinking about how
I might look. As soon as I hopped in the thing, I smelled
disgusting body odor. Rancid asian odors. And, what I
hate the most, I turned back and i saw people looking at me
as if I were an invader in their country.
A woman was wearing a straw hat. An Asian woman to be
exact. I couldn't contain myself from laughing, so I did
my infamous laugh. You know, the one that only I can pull
off...? Yes, it's a pitch of an abandoned child, two
female siblings, a druggy roll model, the gay undercover
lifestyle, a handfull of hair dye, a bit of testosterone, and the
city of Los Angeles. Well, I laughed because this woman was
this huge straw hat which had pins all over it. It was the pins that
made me laugh harder and louder. One pin said, "the voice" and
had Al Gore and G.W. Bush's pictures on there. Another one
love my grandma" and she looked pretty old to have a living
grandmother. But the one that caught my attention the most was
one that said, "fuck the unhip world" At that, I knew i MUST talk to
her. Why, you ask? Because those words only came out of a
A beatnik named Esther, better known as Prozac.
We used to live together about two years ago. She was the
thing that ever happened to me. I was walking down downtown
feeling bummed out because I had lost my best friend to a
car accident. The accident's name was Crystal. That's what I
it, anyway. Well, I was crossing the street and out of no where, I
feel this inmense weight on my back. It was Prozac. The girl
jumped on my back and started, "FUCK THE UNHIP
WORLD! FUCK THE UNHIP WORLD, MOTHERFUCKERS!" right
in my ear! I was scared shitless and i tried fighting her off my
back, but she managed to wrestle me. Thus making me fall on
the floor in the middle of the street on the busy populated city of
Angeles. When I looked up, still on the floor, I saw this
beautiful girl, in what seemed to be her twenties. She had short
black hair, light pale skin, and soft green eyes, along with the
most beautiful smile I'd ever seen. I immediately questioned
her, saying, "what the FUCK are you doing?" She just smiled
and said, "aw, dude, I just wanted to tell you to chant with me. I
saw you and thought your rainbow Hare Krishna shirt was cool!"
"So is that why you're on top of me in the middle of the street?"
"Like, dude, don't play that square shit with me. Either you thank
me for the comment or get your unhip ass off the street and
come surf with me..... your choice!" Right then I pushed her off of
me and smacked her over the head. She smacked me right
back. "So, are you digging the surf, cat?" She insisted. "NO!
Salt water makes my nipples swollen and that water is
disgusting. It is dirty, polluted, and with people like you in the
damn water why the hell would I be anywhere near the surf?"
"Aw, I see. Well..... FUCK YOU, SQUARE!" After saying that, She
took my glasses and run with them. I was so shaken up by her
taking them because I cannot see without glasses. I chased her
and hollared, "WAIT! HEY, GIRL! C'MON! GIVE 'EM BACK! I
DEMAND YOU GIVE THEM BACK YOU FUCKING BITCH! I AM
GOING TO FUCK --" "FUUUUUUUUUCK THE UNHIIIIIIIIP
WOOOOOOOOORLD!!!!!!!!!!!" she yelled back. I chased her for
hours. I was so dehydrated, tired, and annoyed with her. But
even though this was happening, I couldn't help but laugh. She
was so out there.....
Before I knew it, we were at Venice Beach. She stopped with
my glasses and I stopped right behind her. "Hey, you're still
there. I thought I had lost you way back there, dude. Cool." She
handed my glasses over and i snapped at her and snatched
them out of her hand. "oh my god! Why did you do that? Do you
realize how much you've made me go through today?" She just
steared at me. All she had to say was, "Yeah. Hey, i totally dig
you, dude. Want to hang with the crew?" I smiled, and with
nothing to lose, I simply said, "Sure." That was the first time I
had met her.
After watching her surf, she made a hand motion, as though
telling me to follow her. I did just that. "Hey, dude, what's your
name?" I asked. "I am Jack." "Jack?" i asked. "Just Jack? is
that short for anything?" "You're so inquisitive! But if you must
know, my name is Jack Kerouac. Or so it was in my past life. At
the moment, fucked up legal documents say my name is
Guadalupe Perrier." I swallowed my laughter trying not to let her
notice. But, with my luck, the first thing she did was notice i was
laughing at her name. She then slapped me and said, "that is NOT my
name, though. You can call me Gordy, Gordy Tie."
I then headed home, but before I left she asked me if I wanted
anything to drink. I just shrugged. She bought me an apple juice.
Not just any kind, but the best fucking apple juice in the world.
From that moment on i was shaken by her presence. I felt so
nurtured, safe, and identified. Because of apple juice, you ponder?
Nothing more and nothing less.