~*Monster Kitty*~

~*Stumbling Through Life*~
2001-09-30 14:29:46 (UTC)

The Worst Day Of My Life

I've just come home from the absolute worst day of my life.
As I stepped off the bus I was suprised to feel tears
rolling down my cheeks-because I have been crying all day
and I didnt expect to have anything left.

Before 1st period I was standing outside my class, talking
to Sara. She seemed fine-like everything was normal,
nothing was wrong. But then Britta came up and said what
sounded like "Sara I didnt know you were going out with
Dane." Then the bell rang.
I acted like I didnt hear it, and went to class. All
through English I kept thinking "oh my god, what did she
just say? did I hear that right? Sara would never do that
to me...but what if she did?" And every time I thought
about it, I got near tears.
After 1st, I met up with Sara in the hall. I acted normal,
but finally said "what was it that Britta was saying?" and
Sara just looked at me and said "Im sorry, Lily."
Right then it felt like someone hurled a bowling ball at my
stomach. "So then its true?"
She nodded.
It was true-Dane asked out my best friend. I was speechless
so I just said "oh" and walked down the hall like
everything was normal.
As we walked to class, Sharon called to Sara from her
locker, "Congrats Sara! Thats so cool that you're going out
with Dane!"
Right about then was when the tears began streaming down my
face, and I ran to the bathroom past Sara and Sharon.
Minutes later Sara joined me in the bathroom, and hugged me
as I sobbed.
"Lily I am so sorry, I dont know what to do" she told me.
"You have every right to be mad at me, and I'm so sorry.
What do you want me to do?"

She seemed so sincere and I felt bad about ruining it for
HER. All through 4th Period I just kept crying...
Then finally, I thought-Sara is my friend. If she really
likes this guy I should be happy for her...right???
"Do you like him?" I asked her.
"yeah, I really do," she told me, and looked away sadly.
"So what did you tell him?" I said, thinking she would
say "That I had to think about it" or "I said Id talk to
him about it tomorrow."
But thats not what she said.
"I told him yes," and she looked down again.

Dear lord you have no clue the backflips I was doing in my
mind. How could she say yes? She never liked Dane before-
why now? Sara is my best friend, how could she? Why did she
make it seem like she hadnt said yes? Why was she
bullshitting me? Should I be mad? Sad? I was so confused....

After 4th period, I left without saying a word to Sara. I
thought about the quote that Emily had sent me to put in
Blonde, "Dont cry over someone who wont cry over you." I
had very little doubt that Sara nor Dane were crying. So I
sucked it up and went to sit down outside and wait for
everyone to come for lunch.

As I sat, I thought about how surreal the whole situation
seemed. It was like a bad soap opera. Then I felt something
under my shirt, and took out my necklace with Danes name on
it. Again, the bowling ball hit my stomach like a herd of
charging cattle. I felt like such a loser. There I was,
sitting alone, with tears in my eyes, and a necklace with
the name of some guy who I bearly know-who I am crazy
about-who asked out my best friend.
I began bawling again.
As Liana approached me, she saw that I was crying, and came
running over.
"What's the matter?!"
"Dane-" I choked, "asked out...Sara....and
she...said...yes.." I cried even harder.
Liana just gasped like a cartoon with her mouth wide open.
"omigosh...."

I ripped the necklace off of my neck and threw it on the
ground.
Liana picked up as i cried into my lap. Through my legs, I
say her carefully lay it on her notebook.

I knew that If I saw the two of them together, I would
throw up. If I saw them holding hands, or kissing, or
talking, I would.....the thought of it made me want to
throw up, and so I looked up and saw Jessica coming.
Jessica came over and immidiately fell to the ground and
held me as I sobbed.
"Whats wrong?"
I told them both the whole story-and Liana got up and
said "Im gonna go tell her something. Ill be back."
I didnt try to stop her.
And I didnt eat. I figured that if I was going to be
depressed and living in a soap opera, I might as well
starve myself.

After lunch, I went to class, and saw Sara crying.

Yeah, crazy-I know. This is where the story REALLY gets
fucked up.
I asked what happened and she told me.
Dane dumped her. He never liked her. Some other guy asked
her out FOR DANE and he didnt have anything to do with it.
"this always happens," she told me. "guys go out with me
but then they decide im not good enough for them and they
dump me."

oh.

I hate to say it, but I was ecstatic inside. Dane didnt
like Sara-he didnt even want to go out with her!!

I told her that it would all be okay, and that im sure dane
didnt have anything to do with it-it was some guys stupid
joke...but she seemed to just shrug off my advice and help-
like what I said wasnt going to help.
Later, I overheard Tim say "you guys were making out more
than me and Krista!"

HOLY SHIT
Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, 5 more bowling balls whomped
me in the stomach.
I got tears in my eyes and asked Sara, "did he just say
that you were making out with Dane? Did you kiss him?"
"no, he kissed me," she said and started crying again.
BULL-SHIT!
I didnt know whether to be PISSED OFF, because part of me
wanted to kick her ass for not telling me that she had been
kissing the guy that I liked; or to feel sorry for her,
because she had just gotten dumped by some guy who kissed
her then decided he didnt like her the next day.

I didnt say anything.
I went home, and here I am now. Still totally confused, and
in a BIG BIG mess.

What should I do????


~*Lily*~


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