Mindy aka Cutie

The life of a suicidal Teenager.
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2003-02-25 22:42:59 (UTC)

I DONT CARE IF YOU WANT TO DIE

If you don't know...actually you wouldn't. How would you?
Me and Jon broke up this Saterday. He called and started
being mean, so I was mean back. He said that he would be
ok without me and that he didn't need me. So, I said it
was over. I was so proud of myself for doing it. SO SO SO
SO SO very very proud. I said some remark and he
replied, " Yeah, I'll be fucking all my fine ass bitches!"
that sent me over the edge and I was so totally through
with him. ................we spent the next two hours
talking and him begging me to get back with him. He kept
telling me goodbye and that he had nothing else to live
for. All the shit suicidal people put you through. I'm
one to talk I know. But, it's all true. So, I went to his
house later that day to "talk" about things. He kept
asking if it was ok to hold my hand or hug me or anything
like that. I replied, "As long as you know it doesn't mean
we are still together." We ended up getting back
together. Just because I feel bad and I don't want him to
do anything stupid. I love him but, I'm not in love with
him. It's more as I like him as a person and not as a soul-
mate. The hard thing is how to tell him that. I'm just
waiting for him to screw up so I can totally call it off.
I also told him that I didn't want to have sex for a couple
of months. We had sex yesterday. It seems that our
relationship is based solely on it. And, I HATE IT. Yes,
the sex is great and he has made me feel extra special the
last few days but, it doesn't feel like it used to. Maybe
it's because of Tim. Yea, another new guy. He is a
sophmore football player and has the biggest muscles you
have ever seen. He is also very sweet, a virgin, and
caring. Last night me and Time spent almost two hours
talking on the net. Today school got called off because of
the icey weather and I am home all day sick. He calls me
this morning and says that he will call me soon and will
come over and whatever. It took him five and a half hours
to call, and he didn't show up. ASSHOLE. So when he does
call he says that he will call right after he eats and talk
to me. It's been two hours. He obviously doens't care if
I have a 102.3 fever, having hot and cold chills, and
everything else. I can't wait to talk to Tim. Can you see
why I think I would be better off without Jon?
Peace,
Mindy


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