My Heart and Soul....
2003-02-25 16:39:56 (UTC)


Jenny is happy. Gaby is mad at me :-( I'm sorry Gabs. I
still love you. Best Friends Forever.

I stayed with Josh all week last week. Went over Friday
night, and came home this Sunday. I had the best time. I
never got sick of him. I spent over a week with him, and I
still miss him terribly, even though I saw him yesterday.
This guy makes me so happy. Happier than I've been in a long
time. We are so much alike. We get along great. We laugh all
the time, and I can talk to him about anything. And thats
part of what makes him great. I told him so much about
myself, and all he does is kiss me, and tell me that doesn't
change how he feels about me. Which is great, cause not many
guys have told me that. A lot of the guys I spent the last
year with didn't know a whole lot about my personal life,
because I knew they wouldn't accept me if they knew about
all the shit in my life. But I told him. He's wonderful.

I met his family on the 16th. I love them. They are all so
nice. His sisters are the sweetest things in the world, and
his parents are great. I feel so comfortable around them. We
went to his grandparents house last week, and I stood
talking to his grampa for like a half an hour. It's great.
And I've hunf out with tons of his friends, and I love them
too. I was telling him last night, the whole time I was with
David, I didn't meet any of his friends, and very few of his
family. Makes me think a lot about how things were between
us. Makes me think that maybe things weren't as great as I
thought. Josh agrees. Mostly because he doesn't like David.

I have to be honest, I'm still confused about my feelings
for him, and he'll always have a place in my heart. He was
my first, and I really did love him. But being with Josh,
and having the feelings that I have for him...it makes me
happy, and helps me to deal with my feelings. I like that.

So thats what's been going on with me. Not a whole lot. Just
spending time with my new man, and having a wonderful time.
Thats it. But thats enough for me right now.

The rest of my life is crappy. I'm still dealing with this
depression. I haven't gone to school. I can't. I just can't
make myself go. I hate that. My whole family is mad at me.
They say they want me to get better, and that they are here
for me. But they aren't. They want me to do things that they
want for me, and thats not what I want for me. I think I've
finally figured out what I want from life, and I know that
no one is going to support the decisions. Oh well. It's my
life. And I can't wait to get out of here, and start living
on my own and doing what I want. It will be great. I'm sick
of people worrying about me. I think it makes things worse,
because I spend so much time worrying about what people
think about me. Blah.

Ok, I'm going to go do some homework. I love you all.