Thoughts from the mind
You know those times in life where you just wish that you
were in that moment or you were never born? I think last
Monday, September 17th, was one of those moments for me. It
was almost a week since the attacks on the World Trade
Center and the Pentagon, and my most prized possession, my
boyfriend, Dan and I were sitting at a little ice cram
place/little restraunt and I heard the most awful news in
the world to me.
It all started back in August. Dan and I started dating.
That day had to be one of the happiest days I'd experianced
at that point in my life. I've liked him for the longest
time now. We spend most of our time together, seeing as we
arent in school together. I'm only a sophmore in high
school, a whole 15 years of age, and he's 18. You may think
"What in the hell is an 18 year old doing with a 15 year
old?" but cut him, and me for that matter, some slack. We've
been the closet and best of friends for a while now. He
works full time, I go to school full time (obviously).
About three weeks into our relationship, which was going
great, the attacks at WTC and the Pentagon happen. Six days
later, on that rainy, somewhat gloomy Monday night, after we
had run some errons, he breaks the news to me.
Now, I already had an idea about this that he was about
to tell me. The thought of him actaully doing it never
crossed my mind. Or maybe it did, and I wouldnt let myself
believe it. Having to think about losing him was totally
taking over my thoughts. I found out on Sunday night what he
might do, and couldnt think all day in school on Monday. I
must say though, Tuseday and the rest of the week was
As we sat in that little place called Culvers, he said to
me, "Well, we are here and now I have to tell you." I gave
him a puzzled look and said, "Tell me what?" I prepared
myself for what I was pretty sure he was going to say. Then
not a moment later after asking him, he looked me right in
the eyes and said, "I'm leaving in one month for the Navy."
I started crying right then and there. He asked me what was
wrong, and I couldnt answer him. I just looked at him and
told him I was going to really miss him when he left. I
couldnt say anything else because I still cudlnt believe
what my ears heard.
Later, at my house, he gave me a big hug and told me that
everything would be alright, but I truely don't know still.
You may be thinking "What an idiotic little girl. It isnt
that big of a deal." In all honestly, it isnt a big deal,
but he's going now, after all this that's been happening.
I'm afraid to lose him now, when our relationship has just
become a really strong one. Based on our friendship it was
strong from the beginning, but it's something I cant even
explain. I do everything in my power to be strong for him
like I promised him I would be, but no one can tell me that
if your spouse, or someone you really, and truely cared
about was leaving, you would not be upset, and maybe cry.
Especially now. I mean, look at our country. As patriotic
and close as we have gotten as a country, we are all
affected, and we are all broken apart inside by everything
happening right now.
Maybe it was only a matter of time before this kind of
thing happen, but maybe it wasnt. Maybe God was speaking to
us, trying to tell us something, maybe he wasnt. Who knows
why all this has happen. Maybe it was meant to be, maybe
not. I think everyone is unsure of things right now.
Especially me. I'm losing the best thing in my life right
now to the Navy. Losing him to my country. Yes, it upsets
me, and can even make me cry when i think about all the
times I've had and all the times I'll miss, but I do respect
Dan. I would never have the courage to go join the Navy, or
any kind of military right now. I dont think many men and/or
women would. Especially knowing what you might have to face.
I dont mean to go on like I'm trying to tell people
something, but I just want people to think about this whole
situation. The "battle ground" is a battle ground of
uncertainty and also unity. Everyone must be strong in life.
I think I learned something that Monday. I learned that I
will love Dan thourhg thick and thin, and through good and
bad. Hopefully we'll stay together, but I'm unsure right
now. It seems as if we will, and I hope so. I would sacrafic
a lot for him because I know he would do the same for me.
Dont tell me I dont know what love is just because I'm 15.
Love is more than any lusty feeling. I know that. It's more
than just a feeling. I know that too. It's something
undescribable to you. Something you wish everyone else could
see with you. A feeling you want to share with that person
forever. Never lose it. And hopefully you never will.
Hopefully I never will lose the feeling for Dan and vice
versa. We are perfect for each other. My mother even thinks
so. I guess we will see what happens in life. But for now,
I'm going to sit back and enjoy the times I have with him.
Life will go on, but not as well without him.
I will stop talking now. You all reading this probably
didnt get this far, but for those of you who did, don't
think i'm a pathetic little 15 year old girl. Try and learn
something from me, and try and teach something of tremendous
value about anything to someone in your life. Thanks. Later.