daydream disbeliever

Mad Ramblings From a Blithering Idiot
2001-09-29 05:12:25 (UTC)

Shite! and Other Nightly Disappointments

I suppose the first thing I should get off my chest is
this: the SN arrives to speak to his mother tonight with
pretty girl in tow. Actually, Pretty Girl seems to be
Pretty Girlfriend since she's smiling and he has his arms
around her. I knew all along that it was too good to be
true. Damnit. Shit shit shit. Fuckity fuck fuck. I'm so
disappointed I could just spit. Seriously. I'm so sad and
angry. Although I have absolutely no reason to be, because
if I really think about it, all he ever did was tell S that
I was cute; he didn't express any real liking for me.
Nevertheless, I feel like crying. I have absolutely no
hope for a relationship of any kind with anyone now. I
must be the most undesirable girl on Earth. I'm ugly, shy,
avoidant, opinionated, and I know I posess a host of other
annoying qualities. Maybe I should just enlist in the
service, or become a nun, or perhaps try lesbianism.
Anything to ease this horrible loneliness.

It's as if I'm falling in this dark cavernous abyss;
falling and there's no way to claw my way out. It keeps
getting blacker and bleaker with each passing day. I don't
know what to do. I'm closing now. Maybe later I'll write
more. Until then I remain the fugly, going-nowhere-fast


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