Sherry

.... on Living and Loving
2003-02-24 15:26:37 (UTC)

Regreting what I just sent.....

With just the click of a mouse it was off to you (my
last email) and now I sit here contemplating what I’ve
just done.
I’d like to start this email off with an apology. For
some reason, that is what seems appropriate.
I don’t mean to sound like the freak that you call me.
It’s just that sometimes I would like to share what I
feel. Should I not share with you?
I try to explain, but words evade me. If I could come
up with another way to express these feelings, I
would. Believe me… I would.
I’m sorry that I put you through this, and that I
continue to drag you down my road.
If you are tired, ask me to stop. I promise I will.
It’s just that sometimes I feel so damn… (lack of a
word again)
.. maybe you think that not talking does me good. It
doesn’t.
I spend my day doing petty things… with the new house
I have lots of that to do, but still, I find my
feelings don’t change. The feeling that I’m here..
just taking up space doesn’t change. I’ve been staying
up as late as possible to fill my time with
constructive actions. I know as soon as my head hits
the pillow I will think of nothing but you.
Last night I found my pillow under my head at a much
earlier time and there you were (in my thoughts).
It isn’t a bad thing. I just wear myself out trying to
make sense of it all. That is the part that gets to
me.
I’ve been thinking about reality a lot lately and what
‘life’ is all about.
That stupid ‘why’ word always becomes the topic of my
thoughts.
Sometimes ‘because’ just isn’t good enough. (when is
it ever?)
I didn’t want this email to turn out to be an ‘I love
you’ email but I fear it would go on forever if I
couldn’t end it that way.
So, just know that I do.

S.




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